Okay

The aftermath

      When we return to the warehouse, some of them cheer as we walk in the big dimly lit room. I see her walking down the stairs. I turn my head away from her. I should have left the minute they brought me here, i should have never stayed. Why did she have to be so damn convincing, she's the one that made me stay. I could have just left after i got the information, i should have. I just need to die, i need to escape this pain. I need to go to hell for my actions. There is five people's blood on my hands. I should have never let that happen.

  She walks up to me as the questions from others start to die down, and the people go back to whatever they had been doing before we arrived. She grabs my hand and leads me upstairs to the same place she brought me my first night here. I let her lead me, i don't care anymore, i'll be gone soon. "How'd it go?" she asks me quietly. I don't say anything, i still can't find my voice. There's nothing to say anyway, she's done the same thing i had to. Why does it seem like it doesn't affect her at all, how many people did they make her kill? Has she killed others after? I trust no one, not anymore. Trust leads to devastation, of which I've had to much of for multiple life times.   

   "Look, i know what you're feeling right now, but you can't let that distract you from what your next step is." she says, i don't look at her, i don't want to see the eagerness on her face that i can hear in her voice. "Hey, look at me" she says and steps into my line of sight forcing me to look at her. "Do you still want to die?" i nod, of course i do, more so now than ever before. "Then your going to have to get over how you feel, and get your ass out there to find it. This isn't the time to sit around and feel like shit. You need to get over yourself right now, there's something else that is a lot more important." Even she wants me to die, i don't blame her, though this still makes me mad. She has the nerve to get mad at me, really. I turn without word and walk down the stairs. She does not follow, an act of wisdom for the shadowy young women that convinced me to do this.