Okay

Its time for answers

      I can't sleep, which of course is not unusual; i kind of drift between the feeling of almost falling asleep and complete awakeness. My mind races with all the event that have recently happened. I can still see their faces when i close my eyes, as i should because it is i who ended their lives. Now if i could only do the same to myself. Once morning breaks i raise slowly off the bench, feeling the stiffness from laying on it for so long.

  Let's get this started, i have no idea what is in store for me at this point it. I'm not sure it could be much worse than what has already happened so far. I look at the map i printed earlier in the library; there is no way that i'll be able to make it there today if i walk. I have very little money left over from buying the plane tickets. Maybe just enough to pay for a taxi. That's just what i'll do.   

Sitting in the cab, i have time to think.The time i always dread having. I need to stay moving and to always be busy. Not only do the faces of the people i killed replay over and over in my head, but i also have to deal with an enemy that is worse than any other i have ever encountered in my life so far. Yes, even worse than him. That enemy being myself, or more precisely my brain. I know all that i think to myself is true, i don't need anyone to convince me of this. I know that i'm useless, horrible, a waste of life, space, and time. I know i shouldn't have been born; i don't deserve to live anymore. Yet, i can't correct the wrong that was made when i was born, but this will be the goal i will pursue until it kills me...literally. No matter what it takes i will do this one good thing for the world that is forced to harbor my existence.

"Hey kid", the driver said startling me from my consuming thoughts. I look up at him. "You're here" I hadn't realized how much time has past. I guess when i get lost in thought it must take awhile for me to come back. I step out of the cab thanking him as i hand him the last of the money i have, hopefully i won't need it. I'm standing in front of a little white house. It looks just as most do in neighborhoods. I walk up the driveway thinking to myself, Please let them have the answers i just want to die already. I'm tired of waiting, i just want to get it over with. I can't live anymore. I need to end this not only for my sake but for everyone else's as well. 

I reach the front door and knock. A middle age man opens the door and says,"Hello? Can i help you?".