Okay

Careful

       I will be next in this endless cycle of misery. I just have to put an end to a few nuances first. The bus stops in front of me waiting for me to step on it. I don't know how long it has been sitting there for I was lost in thought. I'll join my brother soon. I rise from the bench that I sat in while waiting. Suddenly the world begins to shift to the left and start to spin violently. I grab ahold of the bench to steady myself and take small steps gingerly to the open doors of the unmoving bus. The driver looks at me impatiently. As I passed him to take my seat I hear him say under his breath, "Bloody drunks". Oh, I wish. I slip into my seat just as the bus departs causing my vision to shift again. 

  I wait for the bus to reach the library I was at prior to my visit to the only family that knows our history. I can see the burden they are holding by knowing this truth. We reach the library within a half an hour. I walk straight to the back ignoring the slight dizziness I'm experiencing from standing. I have to get this plan right; there is no room for error or I'll make everything worse all over again. I can't-do that again. I can't ruin this. I know I ruin everything that I touch or get involved in but I cannot ruin this. If I do that whole world could pay the price that is my destiny to bare. I will not be the reason for another innocent person's death. I can't use the truth of fucking up everything that I touch as an excuse to not try though.