Deceiving Passion

Chapter 3: Cosette's Confession

~Cosette's POV~

Clang! My fourth wine bottle hit the table harshly as I had sucked out the last of its nectar. Even after my fourth bottle, I still wanted more. I needed to forget tonight. I did not wish to remember seeing Marius slip that ring upon Eponine's finger, or Eponine's face of triumph as she strode around the cafe. I wanted to let go of the look of disappoinment on saw on Enjolras's face when he saw what I was doing, how he seemed to know that something was up, and the sinking feeling inside of me that killed me because I couldn't tell him. Most of all, I was trying to drown out the feeling of jealousy and agony that was taking up my entire system from that evening.

Eponine was one of my best friends, so was Marius. Why wasn't I happy about their engagment? Why was it that all I could do was sit alone at the bar in an attempt to drown out all of my sorrows? I contemplated this as I impatiently waited for my next bottle of wine. I knew that Enjolras didn't want me drinking anymore tonight. I could see in his eyes that he was worried. Still, I couldn't cease this pattern of mine. My own boyfriend of around a month now. My boyfriend, who I was supposed to love so dearly. My boyfriend, who I was now disobeying by attaching my lips to my fifth bottle of wine to my lips. You may ask, Cosette, how could you do this to one you love so much?

The answer was simple, unfortunately. I didn't love him.

I felt lousy about it. Everytime my lips touched his, a smidge of remorse finds itself a seat in my mind. Every "I love you" that escaped his lips lead to a feeling of guilt clothing me. Enjolras was an amazing guy. He was passionate, charming, and rather handsome. It would be hard for any other girl not to fall head over heels in love with him... So how was it that I couldn't bring myself to love him? I thought that at this point I would be completely infatuated with him, but it seemed as though being with him was having quite the opposite effect. Why couldn't I bring myself to love Enjolras?

Unfortunately, the answer was once again clear. I was still in love with Marius.

I didn't need the alcohol to burn through my throat to get that sinking feeling in my stomach. Marius. It had been only a year and half ago that Marius approached me as I sat on a bench in the Luxemborug Gardens, and the little drummer in my heart began to pound. Now, after becoming one of his close friends, that pounding has only grown in velocity. Marius was occasionally unattentive, rather awkward, and of course there was that tiny fact that he was engaged to my best friend. He was nothing close to Enjolras. It made me ponder from time to time why my love was within his possession.

Then, I would come to realize that it was the times that Marius had been there for me when Enjolras hadn't. That day I lost my Papa, and he simply held me in his arms for hours as I cried. The nights when I was lonely, before he started dating Eponine, he would bring over treats, and we would build a pillow fortress in my living room as we imagined going on adventures or simply talking about the life that faced us. Then, there would be the times where we simply have fun within each other's company. Those times on our walks through the gardens that we would sit on the edge of the fountain, and end up pushing each other in. Or those evenings where we would have spent so much time together that we would try to spook each other in the dark. I loved those times.

I missed those times too. Marius and I had not done them as often since he had started going out with Eponine. I tried my hardest to be happy for them when they told me, and there were times where I truly was. Still, all I could think about in the back of my mind was how it could have been me. How I could be the one in his arms that he whispered I love you to. How I could be the first thing he thought about in the morning, and the last thing he thought about before he went to sleep. How I could be his "the one".

As I continued to swim in my sorrows, I had barely noticed that the pair of emerald eyes that haunted my very soul had found their way towards me, and taken a seat on the stool next to mine. I was startled a bit when I finally noticed Marius was sitting next to me, so much so that I nearly fell out of my chair. I could tell that he saw this as he chuckled slightly. I let out a slight giggle myself, and gave him a small smile, which he returned. God, I had forgotten what an effect that smile had on me. We didn't speak for quite a while, but Marius soon broke it. He joked, "Am I still that scary?"

I giggled a bit at his reference to the first time I had met him in the park where he nearly spooked the living daylights out of me. I smirked, "Yes, indeed you are."

He clenched his heart, as if I had shot a bullet straight through it. Soon, he had let go of his heart, and we laughed it off. Marius rolled the bottom of his bottle around the counter a bit, then looked back up at me. Had he and I not spoken in so long that I had even forgotten how his eyes had made goosebumps form on my arms? He gave me a goofy grin, "I hope you don't mind that I have joined you in a couple drinks."

"Not at all," I responded, "I could really use a drinking buddy."

And that is exactly what we did until the bar closed. We drank ourselves silly until the owner had to literally throw us out. As we walked towards my house, Marius and I clung onto each other, laughing profusely about the look on the owner's face when he told us to get out. I was really glad to have had this time with Marius. I didn't know whether or not we would get to have it again once he and Eponine had gotten married. It reminded me of how much I truly did love Marius.

Without even knowing it, I had drunkenly slurred, "You know Marius, it's times like this that I remember the whole reason I fell in love with you."

Marius's eyes widened, "Cosette, you're in love with me?"

My drunken mind took control, "Oh absolutely. From the moment I had met you, I knew that I was." Marius looked out towards the road as I had mentally smacked myself. Not only had I just confessed my love to an engaged man, while I myself was in a relationship, but I had probably just lost one of my closest friends to it. How could I have been so stupid? How could I... Before I knew what was happening, I felt Marius's warm lips pressed against mine.

And what did I do? I kissed back. And what did I think? I didn't care. I had completely let my morals slip away. Maybe it was the alcohol... Or maybe it was because it was what I wanted... All I knew was that I didn't care. Nothing mattered. Not Enjolras, not Eponine, not anything. Just Marius and I. Everything else simply melted away.