Deceiving Passion

Chapter 7: Marius's Confusion

~Marius's POV~

While Cosette went to speak with Eponine, I was crammed in her closet, wedged between the door and a sea of clothing. I couldn't hear what they were saying from inside the closet, but that was a good thing. It meant that Eponine screaming, and she was not ready to rip my face off. I waited anxiously in the cramped space, and it felt as though with each moment I waited that the closet would grow smaller and smaller. At the point where it was almost suffocating to be in there, I finally fell out of there once Cosette had opened the door. My face hit the hardwood with a loud thud, and through the ringing in my ears I could swear I heard her chuckle.

I looked up at her, "Ha ha, very funny. Now, could you help me up please?" I held out my hand, which she clasped gently in order to pull me up. I laughed softly as she helped me up, and then looked at her once more. The seriousness of the situation was for a moment simply wiped away. It was weird how I could simply look at Cosette, and for a moment everything was okay. It had always been this way. However, this time the seriousness was far too grave, and the feeling of comfort I had once been given had not lasted long.

Cosette sucked in a breath, "I umm... I found your clothes." She nodded towards the pile of my clothes on top of her bed, and I thanked her silently as I went to go get changed. No one could have gotten changed as fast as I had, for I knew if I did not get home soon Eponine would have my head. God, what was I going to tell her? Maybe that it was really late, and I slept over one of the guys' houses? That could work. Maybe I could say it was Courfeyrac. I knew that he would cover me, no questions asked.

I never thought that I would have to ask Courfeyrac to cover me. It was usually the other way around. I couldn't believe that I was even going to have him do this for me. I couldn't believe I even needed this. Hell, I couldn't believe I had even done this. I guess that deep down I had always wanted this. I had always wanted one moment with Cosette, and I had gotten it. However, the circumstances under which it had happened were not so wonderful. We were both drunk, she was dating Enjolras, who was my best friend, and I was engaged to her best friend Eponine. Besides, under such circumstances, I didn't even know if Cosette had wanted it as much as I had.

I walked out of her room, and I saw that Cosette had as well gotten changed. She poured a pot tea into a saucer, and then looked up at me. There was something in the look she gave me that rubbed me the wrong way, however I tried my best to shake it off. She was silent for a moment, but then spoke, "Would you like a cup as well?"

I nodded, and proceeded to take a seat. She took out another cup for me, and poured it out for me. She then took her seat once more, and took up her cup quietly. We were silent for quite some time. For the first time ever, the silence that we shared was an awkward. Normally, when Cosette and I had shared silence, it was a comfortable one, in which we had said everything that needed to be said. Now, I was still racking my brain for what would be the right thing to say. As I started to speak, my words stumbled, "So... um... A-about last nig-"

Cosette interrupted me, "I-I don't really think we should talk about it..."

"Cosette," I replied, "we are going to have to talk about it at some point..."

"That's the thing Marius... I don't really think we should speak anymore."

This shocked me. Cosette had been in my life for the longest time, and it had grown quite hard to picture life without her. No, I couldn't even begin to picture life without her. Even though we had not been talking as much as we used to due to my relationship with Eponine, it did not mean that she had any less of an impact on my life. I thought about her every single day. What was she doing? How she was doing? Did she think about me? I did not want to live a life without Cosette in it. I tried my best to convince her to change her mind, "Cosette... S-surely..."

"What else can we do Marius?" She stood her ground, "We can't risk this getting out. I have a lot to lose, and you have even more. If this gets out somehow, Eponine will be crushed," She looked down, "and I would never want to hurt my best friend." The words she said made sense, however they stung none the less. It wasn't due to what she was saying. It was how she said it. She said it as though it was something she had said every day. As if she wasn't squeezing my heart with every syllable that escaped her mouth.

"What about the wedding?"

"Well," Cosette sighed, "I still have to be there for Eponine, but after that I think it would be best if I kept my distance from both of you." She stood up, and walked towards the door, opening it slowly. Her eyes met mine for a moment, but then she quickly looked away. She uttered quietly, "I think it would be best if you left..."

I got up slowly, and moved at a turtle's pace. My eyes wandered around the house that I would probably never set foot in again. Then, they fell upon the girl that I would never lock eyes on again. My voice stuttered as I tried to let out one last plea to change her mind. However, I froze. For some reason, I could not get the words out of my mouth. What had I wanted to say anyway? To ask her to change her mind? To say I'm sorry? It didn't matter. Before I knew it, I was out the door, and it was shut firmly behind me.

I turned the corner of Rue Pluemet, and let out a shout of frusutration. How could I have let this happen? There were so many things that I wanted to tell Cosette, and so many things I had hoped she would say to me. As I headed back towards my house, I let millions of questions run through my mind. Most of all, trying to figure out what I had wished to say to Cosette.

As I reached the door, I took in a deep breath. I prepared for the worst once I opened the door. The moment I touched the door knob, I realized what I had wanted to tell Cosette.

I wanted to tell Cosette that I loved her.