Tragic Coincidence | Daryl Dixon

Chapter Thirty-Two.

I sat in the cell block with an ache in my stomach, something deep inside of my was telling me that something was wrong. Daryl had left hours ago to find Merle and Michonne, and Michonne returned earlier without either of the Dixon men. I knew Daryl and Merle were more than capable of handling themselves against the obvious threat, but that didn't make me worry any less. Merle definitely wasn't my favorite person on the planet (not that too many were left) But it would tear Daryl up if something's happened to him, which in turn would hurt me just as bad. I couldn't stand to see Daryl in any sort of pain. Had I actually known him when I found him in the ravine, I don't know if I could have stayed as calm as I did to save his life.

Rick had told the group we would be staying, but making it seem otherwise to The Governor. The group was currently packing up their belongings to hide int he vehicles. I had kept myself busy for a while by packing up Daryl and my things, but that only took about thirty minutes seeing as we didn't own too many things. Our things were currently sitting in the back of one of the cars, I forgot which one.

I sighed and walked down the stairs, and into Carl's cell to see if he needed any help. He was sitting on the bunk staring down at a picture of what looked like him and his parents. "Hey kid, you alright?" I asked softly as I sat down on the bunk beside him. Carl shrugged before placing the picture into his bag and swinging the bag onto his back. "Im pissed, we aren't staying and fighting for what's ours" Carl practically growled at me. I shook my head immediately and stood up to talk to him.

"Your wrong Carl. You, Beth and Hershel are taking Judith to safety while the rest of us stay to fight off the governor" I told him, reaching out and gently pushing some of his dark hair out of his face. Carl frowned for a moment before he nodded his head at me. "You do your job Carl, and protect your sister. She needs you" I told him before following behind him out of the cell and into the dining area. Rick and Carol were finishing up packing the last of our food and cutlery, so I found myself wandering outside into the courtyard.

I sighed and took a seat on the bleachers and looked out upon the field we used to have, it was now filled with walkers. It was getting late, and walked over to the fence line to get a better view of the surrounding area in hopes of seeing Daryl. I squinted when I saw movement in the bushes, and a grin spread across my face seeing it was Daryl and his signature crossbow, but that smile fell seeing that he was alone.

Daryl's POV:

I couldn't believe this... I couldn't believe my brother was dead. He died trying to protect all of us, none of us even getting the chance to tell him thank you. I could handle it better knowing my brother had died, had just died and I would just bury him and remember him in his final moments. But that wasn't that case, Merle had died and then turned into one of those flesh eating monsters. The last vision I would have of him would be his glazed over grey eyes, feasting on an unknown dead human. He died with flesh in his teeth, a bullet hole in his chest and blood on his face and covering his chest.

I cried for my dead brother for what felt like hours, before I finally pulled myself up off the ground and started to head back to the prison. Now all i could feel was emptiness, even knowing there was a gorgeous brunette who loved me waiting back at the prison, I still felt numb. I hated this feeling with every ounce of me, knowing that I lost someone I loved that much. Merle wasn't always the best brother to me, or best human being for that matter, but he was blood and I loved him.

Im pretty sure I loved Emma even more that I loved Merle, and that's what scares me. It terrifies me thinking that something can happen like that to her. That walkers could get to her, the Governor could kill her or worse, or I could lose her to something else scared me to my core. I loved her so much that even the mere thought of her hurting caused me physical agony.

I don't know if I could survive if something happened to her and I lost her, so I knew what I needed to do to save myself from the inevitable heartache that would happen if it did. I needed to push her away, I needed to detach myself from the woman who meant more to me than my own life, who meant more to me than anything and anyone in my entire life. And knowing what I was about to do, made tears start to slowly stream once more down my face. I cried no longer for my dead brother, I cried because I was about to break the heart of Emma, and I don't know exactly what that would do to her.

This was about to be the most selfish thing I would ever do, but it had to be done. Distancing myself from her would hurt her, but might just save the both of us in the long run. When people who are in love are thrown into terror situations, they often never think for themselves before the other. I know I never do. The first thought in my mind is protecting Emma, has been even longer than I wanted to admit. I know it was the same for her, I know she always ran to me to make sure I was ok when we were fighting walkers, often times forgetting to watch her own back. But when she no longer feels this way for me, she will do the right thing, and save her own life, before even thinking about mine. 

The prison came into view just as the sun was beginning to set behind me. I sighed and killed the several walkers that were wandering around me before running through the gate that someone opened. "Daryl, your back!" I heard that sweet voice call to me, and I soon felt Emma's tiny arms wrapped around my waist, her head rested on my chest. I closed my eyes trying my hardest not to wrap my arms around her like I wanted. She smelled sweet somehow, the lingering smell of apple shampoo in her hair. And I let one tear make it's way down into her soft brown hair before wiping away a second.

"Where's Merle?" She asked hesitantly, pulling away but keeping her arms rested on my waist. I kept my eyes closed but shook my head telling her everything she needed to know. "I'm so sorry Daryl" She whispered and hugged me even tighter. I shook my head and reached down before grabbing her arms and pushing her away from me. Opening my eyes I could see the hurt etched across her face, mixed with confusion. "What's wrong?" she whispered, rubbing her hands across her bare arms. Damn this woman always forgot her jacket.

"Just stay away Emma, I'm no good for you" I told her, trying my hardest to come up with the best lie I could, no matter how much this was killing me inside. "What are you talking about Daryl?" She asked softly, taking a couple steps towards me, me only stepping away from her. "Stop! Just don't come around me, just please Emma, just forget about me" I said with the strongest voice I could, it was hard, I could feel a lump in my throat forming  the more I spoke to her. 

The look on her face was killing me, all i wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and tell her everything was ok. But I knew I couldn't do that. Emma had tears slowly streaming down her face, her lip quivering as she stared up at me with her big doe eyes. I shook my head and slowly walked past her, my head hung low in shame.

"I thought you loved me"

Her voice stopped me in my tracks. I didn't turn around to face her, I stood frozen staring at the concrete underneath my boots. I loved her too much, so much in fact I felt myself on the verge of breaking just having this pointless conversation with her. But this is what i do best, I push people away. I was really good at distancing myself for everyone around me, but it was different this time. It was different because  this time i really did love this person. 

I turned my head and could barely make her silhouette out over my shoulder. "I lied" I called over to her before stomping my way into the cell block. If I turned around to see her reaction, I would just run back over to her and forget this whole thing. I pushed past everyone in the cell block and stomped my way upstairs into a cell. I threw my crossbow onto the ground and plopped down face first onto the mattress.

Soft sobs emitted from my body, but I hid them with my arms so nobody could see. I just cried for everything I lost today, losing my brother in a horrific way, and losing my woman all because I was too much of a coward to stay with her. I had this deep feeling inside of me that i was going to regret everything that just happened, hell I already was starting too. But my tears mixed with lack of sleep caused me to pass out a few minutes later.