Skinny Love ↠ Alec Lightwood ✓

Chapter Fourty Six ✓

A NIGHT TO REMEMBER

WHEN WE GOT BACK TO THE INSTITUTE I DIDN'T FEEL WELL. Clary, Jace, Isabelle, and Alec were at the computers.

I gave Clary the Cup then I went back to my room where I could be alone. I walked back to my room and opened the door and I shut it behind me. I started taking off my rings and placed them on my ring holder that Isabelle lend me. I I walked to my bathroom and started the shower. I turned on the water letting it heat up for a bit. I undressed then I brushed through my long locks of strawberry blonde hair that I have. I stared at myself. 

I stared at the runes on my naked body.

I hate them.

I hate the runes. They are truly disgusting. Now when people look at me they'll think I'm a tattoo druggie or something. I just want my old life back. I want my old skin back. I just want to be me again.

Every night I dream about Clary and I in the art studio drinking tea or coffee. Drawing, or painting.

That's what our life is supposed to be like. Not this.

I never wanted this. I want to be normal. I just want my old life back. I didn't realize I was crying until I felt wet tears fall from my eyes. I sniffled, wiping my nose. I shook my head then I jumped in the shower.

I rinsed my hair, body, etc. I stayed in there for a little bit longer then I got out. I was still crying as I was drying myself off.

I hate this life.

I wish it never happened.

I hate it. I hate it so much. I dried off while I still let a few tears drop from my eyes. I walked back in my room and got dressed into my comfy clothes. I walked back to my bathroom to blow dry my hair which it then fell into its natural curls. I frowned as I looked at myself again.

I looked away from the mirror. I walked back to my room and grabbed a sweater. Frowning, I brushed through my long hair again then I walked over to my bed. I grabbed my sketch book off the nightstand and chalk that Magnus lend me. It's beautiful chalk.

I wiped away my tears and I started sketching. All I could think about was sketching was demons. So, I sketched something. There was a knock on my door.

I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Come in." I said. It was Alec. Alec peeked his head through then he shut the door behind him. He slowly made his way over to my bed.

"Are you okay?" Alec asked me. He walked over and sat on my bed.

I shrugged. "I really don't know."

Alec turned to face me by twisting his body towards me. He placed his hand over mine.

"What's going on?" Alec asked. "I don't..."  "I don't know.." I said again. I can't even tell him. He'll think I'm weak. I can't show my weakness to him. I know I already have but I just can't.

"Bella," Alec said, "You can tell me anything."

"I don't want to talk about it..." I said, looking the other way. "Hey," Alec whispered. I felt him place his soft palm on my cheek. He turned my head so I'm staring at him. He creased my cheek with his thumb and I smiled a little. "I just... miss my old life..." I admitted, frowning.

"I mean, I'm supposed to be a art student. I am a art student. How am I supposed to live this life, Alec? Nothing makes sense to me. Nothing ever will. Why didn't my Mom tell us about this? Why didn't Luke say anything? I'm sorry that Clary and I had ruined your life by existing. I'm sorry that Jace saved my twin's life. She would have died if it wasn't for him. We both would have."

"Bella-" Alec said.

"No, Alec. I'm sorry, for being Valentine's daughter. I'm sorry for not knowing that I was a Shadowhunter for my whole life. I'm sorry that my Mother lied to me. I am so sorry for not knowing who I truly am. I'm sorry that I messed everything up for you and your family."

I breathed in deep.

"But... I am not sorry, for falling in love with you!" It seemed like my whole world had stopped spinning. Did I really just say that?

What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm such an idiot. Why did I say that? I mean, he probably doesn't even feel the same way.

Why am I such a idiot? Alec's mouth opened up to say something, then he just didn't. Instead, he kissed me. He kissed me passionately and I kissed him back. It felt so good to kiss him. All my worries washed away and I never felt better. Alec changes me in so many ways. His hand found my cheek as he brought me down and laid me on the bed. I gasped as he pulled away. Why isn't Alec saying it back? Does he not love me?

I still kissed him, he moved me up closer to the pillows and I gasped as he started taking off my clothes. My sweater was gone, only revealing me in a tank top. I didn't have a bra on before, so I just slipped my shirt off.

Alec's hands found his way on my skin, making my heart race. I took off Alec's shirt and I kissed his shoulder blades. I kissed his neck, making him moan. I kissed down his stomach then I unbuckled his pants. I threw his belt on the floor. Soon his pants were off, too. Was this really happening? My pants were soon slipped off.

Alec kissed every inch of my body that he possibly could get to. I moaned in pleasure. I've never felt better. His kiss trailed up my neck, then my lips. I kissed him and rolled him over.

Everything was a blur after that, but a night that I'll never forget.