Maybe It Was Meant To Be (A Marianas Trench Fanfic)

Chapter 18

***ARIANA’S POV***

My eyes flickered several times before I could get them to open fully. The ceiling was unfamiliar and I became wary of where I was. I glanced down at my arm to see almost healed scars—much different from the fresh cuts that were gushing with blood that I remember from before. How long had I been out?

It took a lot out of me to try and sit up but I eventually managed to do so. Sitting upright now, I looked over to the table sitting next to my bed to see a newspaper. I cautiously leaning over the side of my bed to pick it up and read the date.

What I read was not what I expected. It was almost a full month since I had last been awake. I softly sunk back down into the sheets of the bed.

“I should be dead,” I muttered under my breath, “I should be fucking dead. Why the fuck did the pills not work? Why the fuck am I not dead right now?”

Josh. Josh must’ve saved me.

Fuck him. Fuck him for not answering me. Fuck him for not helping me before I made my decision. Fuck him for caring. Fuck him for saving me. Shit.

I heard footsteps approaching the room. Fuck.

A familiar tall man, now with blonde and blue hair, walked in the door. I shut my eyes and sunk even further down. Unfortunately, Josh is the last person I wanted to see right now. I could be dead right now if it weren’t for him. Why the fuck did come and save me? I thought he didn’t give a fuck anyways.

“Hey Ari,” he whispered as he neared my bed. He leaned down to kiss my forehead and I cringed away. He paused, “Ari? Are you awake?” he asked, his voice filled with hope.

I softly opened one of my eyes and peered up at him, fury burning in the back of my throat, “What’s it to you?”

“Oh my fucking god. Ari,” he leaned down again and hugged me. I didn’t lift my arms to hug him back. Instead I stayed still, much like a statue, and waited for him to pull from me. “Babe, I’ve missed you.”

“Yeah,” I whispered, still upset.

He cocked his head at me, beginning to understand the tension between us. He opened his mouth in preparation to speak, “I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for being an ass. I’m sorry for making it seem like I didn’t care. Trust me, babe, I do. I love you more than anything. If I didn’t love you, why would I have visited you twice a day for the entire time that you’ve been in here. I haven’t been able to sleep this entire time because I know I’m why you felt like you needed to be gone. I’m so fucking sorry that I wasn’t there when you needed. I’m sorry I didn’t answer you when you shouted for me. I’m so sorry for everything. I know I’m a shit fiancé, trust me I know. But Ariana, I swear on everything on this earth that I love you with all of my heart and I did not mean to hurt you in the way that I did. I hope you can forgive me,” he shed one tear but wiped it from his cheek as soon as it fell.

I kept my eyes down and away from him during his entire speech, knowing that if I looked in his eyes that I’d immediately forgive him. I looked up at the buttons on his shirt and sighed, “Josh, don’t be so full of yourself. You’re not the reason I felt like I wanted to die.” I looked up at his face now with angry eyes, “Yeah, you pushed me over the edge. I can admit that. But don’t be so cocky to think that you’re the whole reason for why I wanted to be dead. There’s been a huge lead up to this, Josh. I feel like shit every goddamn day if you hadn’t noticed before. I’m pretty damn good at acting like I’m okay, but I’m not. Sorry,” I finally met his eyes now. They looked broken and tired beneath their blue appearance. They were glossy and his face looked close to tears.

“I didn’t… I didn’t think I was the only—“ he covered his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut, obviously trying to suppress tears, “I didn’t think I was the only reason, okay? I know I wasn’t. I know that you were having a hard time. I’m just so sorry that I didn’t realize that sooner. I’m so fucking sorry, Ariana,” he finally opened his eyes up again and glanced at me before looking to the ceiling.

I swallowed hard and kept my eyes locked with his. Sighing, I said: “Babe, I love you,” his eyes widened as I said this, “but hey, don’t look so surprised,” I chuckled. “I love you so much but I’m going to need some time before I can really open up to you again. No matter what, I’m really hurt. I’m really broken. You know, if that wasn’t obvious.”

He looked at the floor and kicked his foot against the leg of my bed before speaking again, “I understand. I love you,” he closed his eyes and sighed. “I’m going to go get a nurse,” he walked closer and gave me a kiss before turning on his heel and leaving the room.

 --- casually doesn't update for 7 months and then when i finally do it's the shortest chapter ever im gr8 ---