Maybe It Was Meant To Be (A Marianas Trench Fanfic)

Chapter 12

Today’s just going to be a quiet day. Josh had to go to some meeting with the guys so I’m home alone. He left a bunch of blankets on the couch and a stack of my favorite movies on the coffee table.

I just don’t know how I got so lucky to have Josh. I really don’t deserve someone as great as he is.

I don’t deserve him.

I’d say that’s about when I broke down crying and ran to the bathroom.

My feet slid on the smooth tile flooring as I skidded to a stop. My fingers shook as I opened the drawer and scrambled everything around inside.

Where is it?

I started pulling things out of the drawer and throwing them to the counter—I had to find it.

“Oh, thank the fucking lord!” I sighed as I saw its shiny blade reveal itself. I guided my hand towards it and as soon as I held it, I drug it across my leg.

I looked in the mirror and saw myself, crazed eyes, drips of blood on my finger tips, and worst of all: the razor. Sorrow never left my eyes. I don’t know how many times the blade sliced my skin, but I do know that with each cut I went deeper.

Eventually, I threw the blade to the ground. It landed with a sharp (no pun intended) ping! as it hit the tile flooring. I curled into a ball-- the only sound to be heard was my muffled sobbing.

I heard a door slam.

“Ari?” Josh’s voice rang through the silence.

I didn’t answer, but my sobbing definitely got louder.

“Ariana,” his voice was more urgent this time. I suspect he heard me.

His footsteps were getting closer.

I crawled to the door of the bathroom and locked it.

“Where are you?” his footsteps stopped outside the door, “Honey, I can hear you.”

I sniffed and buried my head in my knees.

“What’s going on, Ari?” he tried the doorknob, “Please let me in.”

I shook my head before realizing he couldn’t see me, “No,” I croaked.

“I brought ice cream home…”

I thought for a moment before unlocking the door. I don’t think the ice cream is actually what convinced me though. I think it was just that I needed to see Josh.

His eyes darted around the room. First at my eyes, which I’m sure were sad. He then looked to my leg, which was covered in crimson blood. I’m sure he looked to the blade after that, but my eyes were too full of tears to see.

He sank down to my level and pulled me close.

“I love you,” he kissed the top of my head, “What happened?” he paused to let me answer but when I didn’t he continued, “Why did you do this to yourself?”

I shook my head, “I don’t know.”

He didn’t question me from then, he just hugged me really tight. I don’t think he knew quite what to say.

“I hope you don’t do this again,” he sniffled. I think he was crying.

“I know. I’ll try not to,” I paused, “This was my first time hurting myself in years.”

His eyes grew sadder as I said this.

“Did I cause this?” he stuttered.

I widened my eyes and shook my head, “No, why would you even think that?”

“Because you hadn’t hurt yourself for a while before you met me and now that we’re engaged…” he trailed off.

“I don’t know what made me want to do it, but I know for sure it wasn’t you. You’re what’s been keeping me sane for the past year. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love you.”

“I love you too. Please, please try not to do this to yourself. If you have to hurt anyone, hurt me. Next time you want to drag that blade across your skin, drag it on mine instead. Please,” his voice wasn’t shaking as bad when he said this.

“No!” I said, shocked, “I would never cut you! Don’t even think of that!”

“See how you feel about me getting hurt? That’s how I feel about you. I don’t want you to be hurting,” he was looking sadly down at my leg, which made me self conscious of the blood.

“I’ll try not to hurt myself,” I told him, “And I’m sure as hell not going to hurt you.”

He chuckled, “Deal.”

[A/N: I'm really sorry that the last few chapters have been sO SHORT BSETJSRKsdgtkjJSHsdgfz. I've been having the worst writer's block lately.]