Just Baby Scars (An Ashton Irwin Fan Fiction)

Xx Chapter 27: Somethings Harder Than The Truth xX

(A/N) Bruh, let me just... get these tissues, over here. Because I am crying my eyes out. If you didn't read the most recent Author Note, then I most certainly suggest you do (It's like, two chapters back) It'll tie in why this chapter was so hard on me and maybe it'll allow the chapter to reach you on another level. Hope you can keep a dry eye. ILY! <3
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IVY'S POV


"Help!" My scream was cut off short as the force around my waist caught me off guard. I frantically kicked and attempted to force my captor away from me to no avail.
The grip around my waist tightened causing me to stop. Pain shot through my body as my wounded sides seem to tear open. The stinging of my clothes touching the newly exposed cut ceases and the arms around my waist seemed to disappear and my feet made contact with the ground once again.
I continued to keep my eyes closed, fearful of whom's presence I would find behind me. A stranger? Some fan? Michael... "Ivy?" Someone spoke quietly, saying my name as more of a question than a greeting. I turned on my heels, slowly opening my eyes to see the boy from the coffee shop.
I opened my mouth to speak, but the fact that his name escaped me caught me slightly. He furrowed his eyebrows, looking at me, "Wait, was that not your name?" He fumbled with his thought, just like I was and it calmed me down rather quickly.
I tucked the hair that had fallen in my face behind my ear and smiled, "It's Ivy, honestly, I just forgot your nam-," He waved a hand cutting me off and smiled back. "It's really okay, you barely met me?" I nodded, waiting for him to remind me of his name.
He looked off towards the distance and as if he suddenly remembered what we were talking about, he spoke, "Adam! It's um, Adam, by the way." I snickered at him, he's honestly me.
My mind refocused on what was happening previously to this encounter and my eyes fell back to the tour bus, where Calum and Luke still stood, looking at me. Adam's head turned as he followed my eyes and he quickly regained his cool composure that he had at the coffee shop.
He picked his skateboard up that I didn't remember him having originally and gave me a quick nod. "I'll let you be going," He gestured towards the boys. I quickly realized what he was insinuating, but before I was given a chance to respond, I heard his skateboard hit the ground, and watched as he moved towards the other side of the parking lot.
A heavy sigh escaped me, the distraction that the encounter between Adam and I had cause had worn off, and I was completely aware of what was happening previously. I took one more look at the two boys who, nervously, stood in the same place, attempting to fathom what to do.
I shook my head at them one last time before turning around, only to run right into Ashton's chest. I yelped as the sudden contact frightened me and watched as he looked at me, his big brown eye, full of sadness and concern.
He didn't say anything. He took my hand, grasping it tightly and pulling me towards the bus. My previous intentions fluttered out of my brain as I watched Ashton in front of me. His hair bounced, and although it was curly and naturally messy, it was obvious it was messier than usual, there was no denying that Ashton was nervously running his hands through his hair, as he often did when he was stressed.
He dragged my into the tour bus, pushing Luke and Calum outside the door and shutting it behind me. I nervously stood in the middle of the tour bus, rocking my weight back and forth as Ashton sat at the table in front of me. He back towards me.
I watched his back rise and fall with every breath he took, and with every breath he took, it suddenly became harder for me to breath. Silence filled the bus for a long time, at anxiety building up in me the longer Ashton stayed silent.
As soon as I finally built up the courage to speak, Ashton's voice filled my ears. "Talk to me," His voice was raspy, like he had been yelling, or crying. Or both. You caused that. I flinched at the voice that constantly affected me. Not now.
"What?" It was a stupid question, but it was short, and I talked to him, but I couldn't trust my voice to say anything more than that. "Tell me what you're thinking?" I shifted my weight again, unsure of what he meant. Maybe I heard him wrong, his back is towards me.
I slowly moved towards the seat in front of him, placing myself so I could see him face. I couldn't deny the fact that he looked terrible. The stress and guilt was written all over his face. This is what happens when stupid little bitches can keep secrets.
I folded my hands in my lap, praying for a miracle to happen to end this. End his pain. He hadn't made eye contact with me until I was fully situated. His lip quivered slightly, only breaking my heart more.
"Please Ivy, tell me what's on your mind," He reached a hand out to touch me, and instinctively, I leaned back. His eye glazed over slightly, and I felt another piece of me shattering against the ground. Why don't we just add insult to injury while you're at it. The pain of those words quickly rose to my face, making Ashton reach out again.
I pushed his hand away, I didn't deserve for him to comfort me, never did. "Ivy..." I took a deep breath, I can't keep helping him.
"I'm just sad," I heard him breathe out a sigh of relief, my words seeming to light some sort of weight off of him. "Why?" His eye seemed a little brighter, like he had hope. Don't shatter him yet. My eyes wandered to the other side of the bus.
"I don't know," I tried an answer that would hopefully end this conversation. It didn't.
"Ivy, don't do that shit to me, are you forgetting, I know what you, tell me what is wrong so I can help you."
I looked at him, emotionless. "You can't help me." I stated dully. He froze momentarily. His eyes instantly scanned my face, looking for any place where seriousness wasn't present.
"What do you mean?" Now he leaned back, crossing his arms and looking at me cautiously.
"You can't help me, that seems pretty straight forward." Ashton nodded his head looking at me.
"Well, since you say I can't help you, then you should have no problem telling me what wrong." I fought the urge to frown and kept my face straight. Keep it up, eventually he'll give up. I shrugged my shoulder's, "I'm fine."
A familiar anger rose to his face, causing me to bite the inside of my check. "Dammit Ivy! Do I look blind to you?" His fist made contact with the table, shaking, what seemed to be, the entire bus. I flinched slightly at the sound but quickly gained my composure.
"Of course not, I know you're not." He shook his head, I was just frustrating him more. "Ivy, you know what, what have I ever done to you to make you resent me like this?"
"What have I ever done but love you. I have loved you since the second I met you. I have loved you no matter what secrets you hide or what problems that occur. I love you and you don't see that. You don't see the love I have for you. And if you do see it, it means nothing to you."
Of course it means something to me.
"Ivy, if you loved me as much as I love you, you wouldn't hide things from me. You would let me help you. But you don't. You hid your problem because you think you can handle them. You can't, obviously." He reached out, grabbing my arm and showing me my own wrist.
"And I don't even care that you found hurting yourself as the only means to help yourself, when that was your only option. But now, that's not Ivy. You can't use that as an excuse anymore, because it isn't one. You have me, you have Michael, the boys."
"We've been here for the last five months, and you haven't confided in us. You haven't even tried. Whatever you think in your head, what ever is making you feel like you're nothing. Let it go. It isn't true, it can't be true because you're something to me."
I looked at him, he wasn't done, but he was formulating his next attempt to get through to me, but he already had, I just didn't have a response for my actions yet.
He took a deep breath and looked at me very sternly, taking my hand. "Ivy, I know what's happening inside that pretty little head of your. There's a voice telling you how you should feel. That you're crap and you don't deserve anything you have. Look at me." I shakily brought my eyes to his, severely wishing I hadn't.
"Stop listening to that voice, it lies. It's been lying to you since that first time you listened it. Whatever it's saying, it isn't being helpful, it isn't true, and it sure as hell isn't worth taking up any space in your head." I felt the tears that were building up, show themselves. He squeezed my hand softly, reassuring me and I cried.
Everything thing I had been hiding, the things that had been tearing my self-confidence up for the past few year finally broke me down. Before I knew it, Ashton's arms were around me, holding me close to him. In this moment, it felt like he was the only thing holding me together anymore.
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We sat there for hours in silence. Ashton held me close, tears still streamed down my face, it felt like a never ending situation. The boys didn't return to the bus. No ones phone when off. The silence was nice, it gave my mind the opportunity to rebuild itself some.
"Ivy..." Ashton spoke warily, unsure of how mentally stable I was. His hand brushed across my face, pulling the straggling hairs away and revealing my sad green eyes. "What has been happening to you?" The question to anyone else would've be interpret ted and something external, as if he was happening what was happening at home or school or somewhere, but I knew better. He was asking what has been occurring in my head. The things I've made myself believe, and how I've been feeling.
I hesitated, I didn't want to tell him. He would think even less of me. He would know how much a wreck I truly was. I let out a shaky breath, taking a quick look at him, he features were sunken and it was obvious he beating himself up over everything I had done. But it wasn't his fault, he had nothing to do with it.
"Ivy, please." His eyes pleaded with me as he urged me to answer him. I looked down at his hand and grabbed a hold of it, watching a tear fall off of my face and run down our hands. He gave my a tight squeeze, and as if that was my last straw, I broke down.
I told him everything. The things that happened in high school, and how everything got worse when Michael left for the band. I told him about how him returning hurt so much because the things you'd never expect for him to forget he did. I told him of the voice in my head constantly bringing me down and how it was heard not to believe someone that sounded so much like someone you love. He knew about the day at Lily's and down the fans that were negative about me were truly effecting me.
And lastly, I told him how much I loved him. No matter how badly messed up I was, I had always loved him, and I always will. I told him how I never waned to lose him because he was the only one that seemed to care 24/7.
And then I cried, I cried until it hurt, I cried until I could breathe like nothing was sitting on my chest. Ashton held me tight, probably as afraid to loose me if he let go as I was.
And everything that seemed to bad in my head, didn't matter nearly as much anymore.
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(A/N) This probably was the hardest but most needed day in my life, I can't tell you guys how vivid that memory still is in my head. I hope you enjoy the chapter, and more importantly, I hope you all are having a great day. Don't forget to smile!
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