Asylum For Aisling

37. Note

For the past week, Harry and Doc have been spending a lot of time together. They were with the other more than I was with each of them combined. Harry would get up early in the morning, get dressed, use the bathroom, and then head down to Doc's office. If they weren't in there together, they were meandering around the halls, talking in hushed voices with their heads bowed towards each other.

If I ever tried to tag along, they would push me away. It was like they were talking about top secret information that I wasn't allowed in on. Of course, this caught my interest, so I would sneak around and try to catch snippets of their conversations, but luck was never on my side.

After dinner, Harry would come back to the room, bathe, and then go to sleep. No matter how hard I pushed and pestered him to get something out of him, he would shut me out. He always wore a tired and irritable expression, like his days with Doc were wearing him out.

It was like I was back to how I was before Harry showed up. I was on my toes about everything, I was jumpy all the time, I snapped at people constantly, and I was guarded. I did everything by myself which included: Eating, walking, sleeping, running, and breathing. It seemed like everyone else knew that I had gone back to my old ways, so they steered clear, keeping a farther distance than normal.

Eating happened about once a day, maybe. My nails were down to bloody nubs with torn skin around them. My fingers had been busy with Harry's absence. My mind had also had its fair share of activity without Harry's presence to keep it from caving in on itself.

It was kind of like going through withdrawals. I wanted, no needed him, but he stayed too far away to reach. My mind had blown into overdrive, my senses were working overtime, and there was an aching feeling that had settled into my chest. I needed Harry, but I couldn't have him. I had become too dependent on him, and now when I needed him, he was too busy.

I was becoming paranoid that the people around me knew more than I did. I caught multiple attendants sending me sympathetic looks, clicking their tongues and shaking their heads as they passed. I even saw Rick in the cafeteria the other day, leaning against the far wall just watching me. He was frowning and looked almost like he pitied me.

Jared came around once. He kept me company for the day as we sat outside with thick blankets and pillows and watched the birds. He didn't have much to say, which I was thankful for, and the time that I spent with him calmed my nerves ever so slightly. After that day though, he became like everyone else: keeping his distance, throwing sad glances, and having a knowing look in his eyes.

Paisley had been around a lot, but even her high spirits couldn't distract my dangerous thoughts. If we were in the same room together, she would over to me and hang around no matter what I was doing. If I was staring out a window for hours on end, she would simply plop down beside me and begin to chatter, not caring in the slightest that I wasn't listening. She just talked to talk.

There was something going on around me that I couldn't put my finger on.

It was like people were going out of their way to steer clear. It was like everyone knew something that I didn't. It was like Paisley was trying to use her nonstop talking to distract me from figuring out what was going on. It was like something really bad was going to happen, but I wasn't going to figure it out until it was too late.

My mind was in turmoil. Chaotic thoughts were spinning, looping, and flying around at random through my brain. I was distracted by them, blinded almost. I couldn't pay attention to the meal I was eating, the games people were playing, or the hallways I was walking down. While my mind was at work, my body was moving robotically. I went about my daily things without a second thought. They were almost mechanic.