Leaving All I've Ever Known (Camren)

1. when i turned 15,

"So something like 'I have always encouraged you to be fearless, to do what makes you happy...'"

"I want to write, 'to live your life in the name of love and do what makes you happy.'"

"... Sure. That's fine. Now mention how excited you are to finally start your solo career and do your own thing."

I look up at Roger, slightly taken aback but not completely surprised by his bluntness. My eyebrows are furrowed. I'm deep in thought, trying to think of the best way to voice the ideas he has for me in my response to Fifth Harmony's letter.

"How about 'as scary as it is to take the leap'..." I pause, trying to think the best way to address the fans. "I am excited and full of joy because I know that no matter what happens, I am following my heart.'?"

From the corner of my eye, I see Roger pacing back and forth, trying to come up with a better idea than my own for my final goodbye letter to the harmonizers.
It's a tense time. I've hardly gotten any sleep. What Roger and I decide to present to the world will impact mine and the rest of the girls careers. We have to be smart about this.

"That's good... keep that. Just end it with, 'I hope to see you on my journey.' We've got to keep as many of those harmonizers on our side as we can." Roger laughs, amused by his comment.

I briefly smile at his response that I knew was a joke. But what if they do abandon me? I know for a fact some will hate me. But will there be enough fans that like me remaining? Am I nothing but a wannabe solo artist that used to be in a girl group?

My breath begins to pick up and the pounding in my head, that hasn't stopped since last night, intensifies. My anxiety is out of control at this point. Everything from worrying about the fans and their uncertain loyalty to me, to worrying about my family and the repercussions this letter might have on them and to my bandmates... or ex-bandmates. To Fifth Harmony... to Fourth Harmony? To Ally, Dinah, Normani and Lauren.

"Uhh, then put 'yours sincerely, Camil-"

"-Wait, I'm not saying goodbye to the girls?..."

Roger stopped pacing to look at me. I don't think he expected me to be so serious.
Which I was, very serious. I had been on this 4 year long journey with 4 people that have dictated and moulded who I am today. Waking up with them, eating with them, even being in the spotlight with them changed everything about me.
The least I could do was write a paragraph detailing what I know is an endless list of things I want to share with them. The memories, struggles and bonds I've had with them individually. If not for them, then for the harmonizers. Let them see how much I loved every single one of the girls. It's a love that will in no way ever deplenish. It's forever expansive because as they grow and I grow separately, the memories that forefront Fifth Harmony will be the good ones, and not the bad ones that have been tainting my recollection of being in the group lately.
I couldn't imagine a stronger friendship between 5 girls formed from something so plastic.

I looked down, clearly upset that this letter, that's meant to convey everything my heart had left for Fifth Harmony, for one last time, was being edited and composed almost without my hearts input.

"We would be crossing too many boundaries that me and Fifth Harmony's management have already worked long and hard for to exist. Distancing you and them is the key Camila."

That's what Fifth Harmony's management seem to be trying to do to with the letter they wrote about my departure from the group.
The girls didn't write that, I'm certain of it. We had discussed and talked about how I was feeling, way before today. Being in Fifth Harmony became too much for me, not the singing or touring or meeting fans, no, not what the world sees. But the countless hours in the studio, having to regurgitate the same 5 sentences over and over again to press. There was no room for expression. No self expression. The only way I could do that, was during the rare moment I had to myself. Those seemed to reduce over the years, especially in 2016.
And I guess management didn't like our forms or retaliation, or when we confronted them. So getting my own manager and collaborating with other artists, gave them the perfect opportunity to present me as an individual from the group.

I weakly nod my head anyway. This is how things are now. In many ways, this is how things have always been. Management got the last say, but this time, I'm alone to accept and deal with it all.

"Just write 'yours sincerely, Camila.' and post it.

"How about 'love, Camila.', you know, make it a bit more heartfelt?" I can't believe I was asking Roger for permission on how to end my letter.

"Okay. Then send it."

I looked down, typing out the last words that I'll ever be allowed to direct to Fifth Harmony.

C - a - m - i - l - a.

That's it. Goodbye Fifth Harmony.

"One minute, letn me check if everything's correct."

Roger began scanning the text that I feel like I've written and rewritten 1000 times already. "Frozen yogurt, blah blah blah... live your life... my journey, love Camila. Good. That's good, now post it."

My finger hovered over the publish button. Once this is out, it's out.
There's no doubt people are going to scrutinize and pick on everything I said. They'll manipulate my words. They'll do everything they can to ruin me.
By 'they' I mean my ex-management. Maverick will make up false rumours. I'm calling them out, and to retaliate, they'll try to ruin me.

Maverick and our labels ruined everything I've ever cared about in the group. They completely cut our creative outlet, we barely got a choice to what outfits we wear. They've ruined friendships... relationships.

They will do as they please, so why not push it that extra bit further?

When Roger turns away, I add in an extra 4 letter long word after 'love'. A final middle finger to management and the label. They know exactly what the word means to me.

o - n - l - y

*click*

I press send and wait for the world to react.

-------

I'm sad and upset and angry and confused.

I wrote this the day Camila left, not sure when this chapter has been published but here you go.

My view on this:
Fifth Harmony are tired. Their social media is used to manipulate the fans viewpoints. Camila (partly) wrote her letter. Management want to ruin Camila by using the other girls as microphones to voice their side. Camila, Ally, Dinah, Lauren and Normani all still love eachother and were aware of everything that was going to happen. Ot4 knew Camila wanted to leave, whether they were happy or not, Idk but they'd never throw Camila under the bus like they supposedly did. We'll never get the truth from the girls because of contractual obligations and restrictions.

So I started a new fic! (And don't worry, I'll be updating my other fic soon) I wanted to write a non AU fic that will hopefully make people feel better about this whole situation. The next chapter comes out tomorrow. Hope everyone has a merry Christmas!

Chapter cover by mcrgrunge

-D