Leaving All I've Ever Known (Camren)

22. 2018

"I didn't get a chance to tell you this, but I hate you."

Her glassy green eyes continued starring into mine, too overcome by my honesty and anger to dare look away.

"I hate that I found you that day I went ice-skating. I hate that I agreed to eating out with you and the girls at that stupid bistro. I hate that you joined me on my walk through Central Park. I hate that we rehearsed together for Winterstage. I hate that you breaking up with Lucy meant something to me. I hate that I stayed behind in Normani's hotel room and I hate that we had sex. I hate that that gave me hope. I hate you for destroying it. I hate you for leaving me. Most of all, I hate myself for letting this happen when I was just fine living without you."

Lauren's tears that were on the brink of breaking free, didn't budge when I finished, though it was painfully obvious that she wanted to release. She held in her sobs, instead managing to convey all her sorrow in the darkness of her eyes.

"I can't live without you anymore Camila."

I looked back and forth, to and from both her eyes and realised she was telling me the absolute truth.

"I can live without you."

Her head drops to her hand that holds the shiny item I never thought she'd ever have in her possession. I look down at it too, not having the bravery to look into her eyes any longer.

She takes a moment to carefully pick out the last words she'll ever say to me. "Can you at least forgive me?"

Forgive her? After she broke the trust I had for her? After breaking the promise, that I should have known in the depths of my heart, she wouldn't keep?
I don't blame myself anymore. I knew she was in love. I just figured out too late it was shared between Lucy and I.

"You're not forgiven."

Her hands tremble as she rests her index finger on the trigger. I can't believe she's actually going to do it. Closing my eyes helps me cope with what her irrational mind is determined on doing. "Can I just ask you to do me one last favour?" She takes a shaky breath.

"I don't owe you anything."

"Please."

I tilt my face down, further away from her and shake my head, squeeze my eyes shut to block out as much of Lauren as possible.

"Open your eyes."

"I don't want to."

"Please. Open your eyes."

With hesitancy, I slowly but surely do. The long, cold tube, claiming bullets inside its barrel, points underneath Lauren's chin now. It's aimed directly at the location that'll get the job done the quickest and will cause the least amount of pain.
How did I get myself into this situation? Better yet, why did I open my eyes just to see her end it all like a coward?

Suddenly, the ear-piercing noise rang in my ears. It was loud and it made me jump. My eyes shut in reaction, tuning back to the safety of darkness to keep myself from witnessing the horror that's just happened in front of me.

But then I hear it again... And another time... The sound gets louder and louder, sounding as close to me as if the guns being shot right next to my head. The pitch confuses me, it's far too high to have come from a gun.

It's too repetitive.

Too familiar.

It sounded more like beeping...

*beep beep beep*

"Ugh."

I groan and rub my eyes, instantly getting a headache from my weird and partially troubling dream. My skin sticks to the bed sheets when I wiggle around to remind myself it didn't actually happen. God, could you imagine if one day I didn't open my eyes and realise it wasn't another one of my dreams?
I make them up often enough, that it's a actually difficult to decipher what's real and what isn't.