Leaving All I've Ever Known (Camren)

21. Camila: Sweet dreams

4.

4 is the number of days since Lauren and I had our big fight.

She hadn't reacted well to the camren comment, and I got mad. And then I really lost it when she told me that Megan didn't love me. She admitted I was right about her being jealous and kinda reacted... normally? Neutrally? With maybe a hint of regret.

Uncoincidentally, 4 is the same number of days since she last spoke to me. It might turn into 5 tomorrow if we don't speak at the Grammys...

But come to think of it, that's not entirely true. She has spoken to me. Said words. But only 7 of them, to be exact.

The first time was the morning after our fight, in the limo. I got in, Normani sat next to me, and Lauren next to her. Normani asked me to 'move my fat ass up because Lauren can't reach her seatbelt', and after I shuffled further across, Lauren had said 'thank you'. The next time we talked was when Dinah forgot to push the button on the elevator. Lauren asked me to 'hit our floor'. And the last time was when I distractedly bumped shoulders with her today in our last rehearsal, I said 'sorry' and she said 'no problem'.

If it looks like I care, it's because I do. I haven't been the same since our fight, and a big part of me wants to be mad. But I've been acting 'normal' around everyone, if not a little sombre and reserved.

The truth is, my insides hurt. It feels as if I'm dying a slow, gruelling death that has no cure. For what exact reason, I'm not sure. But I know it's all got to do with Lauren, because she's all I seem to think about. And miss.

We were getting... close. And I don't even want to think about what it's going to be like once she's actually gone gone.

"You coming, Lauren?" Normani asks her before the rest of us are halfway up the steps leading to the entrance of our hotel. We're all exhausted, having stayed behind until 9:30PM to do an unusually late rehearsal.

"I'm just going for a smoke." She lights the cigarette held between her lips. "I'll catch up with you guys later."

Already in the lobby, I watch a large group of Chinese tourists gather around the elevator. It's already slow enough as it is, the extra weight won't help.

"Hang back." Normani suggests. "We won't all fit. Let just wait for the next one."

We watch as Dinah and Ally easily manage to scuffle their way into the smaller side of the crowd. Then in an instant, Normani grabs my arm, stepping in herself and pulling me in amongst the pile of bodies. Questioning eyes can see that I can't fit in with her. The door refuses to fully close when the sensor picks up the half of me that sticks outside the confines of the box.

"Excuse me -" A concierge holds a polite expression as he paces towards us. "- I think you may be over our capacity. Can I please ask some of you to step out?"

"It's fine - you go." I tell Normani who regrettably rolls her eyes. The employee kindly assists me when I take a couple steps back. "I'll catch you later."

It takes a painfully long time for the elevator to make its way back down again, no thanks to Dinah, who insisted on booking us on the top floor.

Finally, the bell rings and the doors open. I manage to get in first, thankful not to be pushed against anyone. But the doors close with a full elevator, even then.

We stop on the 7th floor and the rest of the tourists that got left behind, get off. I think I'm alone until I see a familiar figure on the opposite corner to me, near the door, stepping aside for the group.

We start our ascent up once we're alone. Half a minute passes, and I don't think Lauren realises I'm in here with her. She's too busy texting.

"Hi."