You can still feel the vending machine on your back. You can remember saying keep it professional and telling yourself not to tuck into the temptation but it got too much. Too good. And here you are loving again. Or are you hurting... You don't know...
I woke up sweat running down my forehead. I removed the blanket from over me and looked at my stomach, nothing there. It was just a dream. Praise Jesus Hallelujah. I let out a sigh of relief. I was going back to sleep when I heard a guitar playing and a deep husky voice singing along with it. I recognised the song, butterfly by BTS. I walked towards where the music was coming from realising I wasn't in my own room but Tae's. Again. I peeped round the door frame and sat there ,in his room, was Tae. He sat on the bed looking out the window singing. I'm not going to lie, it sounded amazing. His voice was truly amazing.The tone, everything about it was beautiful. He finished the song and put the guitar back. I made a run for the couch and quickly put the blanket back over myself and then pretended to sleep like a child on Christmas Eve. He came in the room laughing away. " I know you're awake you idiot!" He said laughing away. "I heard you running!" He was hysterical now . I couldn't help but let out a little laugh myself whilst opening my eyes. I sat up still giggling slightly and he sat on the couch joined to the one I was on. He looked at me his expression serious now: "You ok?" "Yeah I just don't know why I'm here, I had a vivid dream and now I don't know what happened and what didn't." "Well you smashed up this dudes car..." his face scrunched up when he said this dude. "And then you passed out on me, again may I just add whilst the cameras were shooting you so brought you here." "I smashed up his car... I smashed up his car. DAYUM ABOUT TIME!" I said laughing away. Tae laughed with me whilst saying I looked insane and reminded him of Beyoncé in her hold up video. We both laughed and talked. Until I remembered... I remembered. I remember Tae standing on the stairs with flowers and then he dropped them after seeing me with Jay... With Jay's hand on my cheek saying he loves me. "Hey, what was with those flowers yesterday?" I asked in a more serious tone. His face drooped... "I er... I was going to give them to someone." " why did you drop them?" I pressed on. "Because .... Bec... Since when were you Sherlock Holmes? That doesn't matter so don't ask about it. I have a question for you though: why did you smash up your boyfriends car?" He asked. "You better now be referring to Jay." "Jay that's his name." "He is not my boyfriend. He used to be months ago but that was with a different me and trust me I would never ever, ever get back with that piece of shit." "He's not your boyfriend? Oh that makes sense... shit I'm sorry." "Don't apologise, how were you suppose to know? Anyway I better get going..." "Right, I'll take you down to your room." "You really don't have t-" "It's fine." "Ok then, come on." We both exited the room and got into the lift I stood in silence when suddenly... the lift stopped working. "Shit." Tae said as he realised the lift broke. "it's broke... it's broke... I'm out. Just let me out!" He laughed at what I just said before realising I was actually panicking. " What's up are you claustrophobic?" "Nice one Sherlock! Gold star for you!" I exclaimed sarcastically. I started to breathe heavy when I felt his arms go around me from behind. He then turned me around and pulled me into his chest making me suddenly calm, but then I realised I can't, I just can't. " Its fine... We will be going again soon." "Tae I have told you, we can't do this" I pushed him away gently. " I know that..." "Then stop making moves on me Tae. This can never happen!" I signalled to him and back to me with my finger. "What happened at the photography studio should never have happened... and you need to forget about me." I added slowly." You need to forget about me and I need to forget about you. Soon we will be going to a different places for different reasons and we are in the same career and it's unprofessional and th-" "I get it alright!" Tae said in a low angry voice. "Just forget me, forget everything to do with me, please." I said as Tae shifted his head away from me. "Fine. If that's what you want." The lift started again we both stood there speaking no words and making no eye contact. Tension lingered around in the air. When it reached my floor I got out of the elevator and left towards my room. I know how to be professional and that's all I needed. • "Forget me" That phrase couldn't leave my head. How could I forget? Fucking forget! Those words cut through me like knives. I just let her go. Why did I just let her leave and agree to forgetting. Maybe because with people you love you just want what they want so they can be happy, wait no. I can't love her. Not now. Not when I know what is happening next year. Tears stung my eyes as I tried not to let them fall. I couldn't look at her when those words came out her mouth because I knew I would cry. I have to forget, I have to forget that evening I gave in to the temptation and kissed those lips I so longingly craved at the photoshoot, I have to forget for her...
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