I closed one eye and pulled back the string of the bow and aimed right at the smelly buttocks of Jacob Fartorius. He was standing outside and facing the front door with his hands on his hips. I hid behind a bush.
"You can't kick me out! I'm freaking Jacob Sartorius! And that fart didn't smell that bad!" he yelled. I let out a loud fart as I screamed out in laughter. He turned around.
"Who's there?!" He screamed. His face was even redder than usual.
I smiled! "I AM KATNISS EVERDEEN" *the crowd goes wild*
*crickets crickets*
I angrily let the arrow fly, but it narrowly missed his elf ears.
"It's you! That girl who almost won the contest! HA! You loser! Eat more beans you little joke!" He yelled.
"Ha please! My farting career is way longer than your ugly singing career! AND NO I DO NOT WANT TO WEAR YOUR NASTY SMELLING SWEATSHIRT!!!" I walked away like the bawse I am, leaving teardrops in his eyes. *dabs*
I went to my house and screamed, (and farted)
"WHAT IS MATTHEW DOING HERE??"
"He's my new boyfriend, sweetie," my mom gave me a wide, evil mom smile which secretly meant 'smile and nod, too or I will slap you when he leaves! Oh, and don't fart!'
Well, me being the savage I am, took this as a signal to use my best weapon.
Let's just say, a minute later, Matthew was gone for good and by butt ached. But so did my cheek from my mom's deadly SLAP!
69 seconds (my farting super powers also came with a free internal clock) later, Mr. Man strolled into the house carrying a bouquet of poppies in one hand and a stuffed Hippo in the other. A real hippopotamus was behind him. I quickly grabbed a scale and made Mr. Man and his hippopotamus separately stand on it, and my theory was correct: Mr.Man weighed more than double than his hippo. He looked at me with confusion then turned to my mom.
"Let's go to Orlando, my love!" he told my mom.
"Yes!" my mom screamed and pulled her suitcase from her pocket.
"NO! Who will heat up my microwavable burritos?" I shouted and let out a long fart to prove my point.
"Don't worry," Mr Man said as he handed me a trillion dollar bill, "here's all the money you'll need. Good bye!" And he and my mom frolicked with the hippo into the sunset. That was the last anyone ever saw of them.
A/N
This chapter was written by a trillion different people including our lord and Savior Donald J. Trump.
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