"But that makes no sense," I said. "How did she die millions of years ago if the book was made hundreds of years ago?"
Souhaila raised her eyebrow. "Does any of this make any sense?"
"Good point."
"There is a way to talk to Reeyam the Roaster," She says, putting some kind of witchcraft salt in her hair.
"How?" I ask.
"Oh, my child. Thats for me to know, and you to kill yourself," She said and got closer to Justin, running her hand through his beaver face.
"Tell me how," I demanded. "We must destroy Jacob!!!!!!!"
"I am going to rewatch Daredevil, NOW LEAVE!" She screams.
"DON'T YOU WANT TO KILL JACOB?"
"HA! IT'S YOUR PROBLEM! I COULDN'T CARE LESS!" She snorted.
"Okayyyyy, You could just live with the fact... THAT HE SAID JUSTIN BIEBER IS UGLY AND TALENTLESS!" I screamed.
She cocked her head my way, "He..what?"
"You heard me, are we going to kill him or what?" I ask.
"FINE!" she screamed, "WHERE IS HE?"
"See, that's the thing, I don't know, BUT the only way to kill him is to roast him, and that's why we need the legendary Reeyam Pro-caine that you speak of." I said that and before I knew it, she was a girl, my age standing next to me.
"Wha- How- Never mind what do we do?" I ask.
"Where is Justin?" she asked. I look around and notice he's not here, I shrugged my shoulders.
"Ok, whatever, to start let us go to her grave," She says. "But first let me fix your back." She sprinkled salt on me and my back turned instantly better. I jumped out of my wheelchair and followed her down the mountain and to the cemetery. Instead headstones, they were concrete boi hands. In the middle, was the biggest one. A huge boi hand that almost looked like it was glowing.
"The large one is Reeyam, the rest are the people she roasted and died from her amazing great comebacks," Salt explains.
"Ok, but what do we do to bring her back to life?" I ask.
"We bring a mighty roaster to BOI Reeyam so she can come to life to roast them back," she explained.
I raised my hand and pointed at the grave with a BOI hand. "BOI!"
"BOIIII!" Reeyam jumped out of the ground and dabbed a million times. Her pink scarf was HELLA CRINGEY but I couldn't tell her that or she would roast me to death.
"Help us destroy Jacob Fartorius!" I said.
"Fine, but what do I get in return?"
"We already brought you back to life. Isn't that enough?"
"LOL no! You interrupted me and Satan's roasting contest. I was winning btw."
"How do you roast someone in Hell?" I asked curiously.
"Words are more powerful than any fire."
"Wise words."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome," I say. "So what do you want in return?"
"A mechanical arm that automatically dabs every 60 seconds," she said dreamily.
"Can do," I replied and lead the way out of the cemetery.
"Where is Jacob?" she asks.
"WITH YOUR MOM!!!!!!!!" I scream. I immediately regretted it when I saw her make a boi hand.
"Boi, at least my mom didn't run away with a hippo and an obese bald guy." She says.
"You hella mean," I say.
"I said one roast, you think I'm done," She says, pulling out her boi hand again.
"LOOK!" Salt screams, "IT'S JACOB!" I look and see Jacob crying, hanging posters that read 'LOST WIFE!'
"OH MY GOD THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!!!" I screamed.
Just as I did so, Jacob turned and looked at me.
"EEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAA!!!!!" Jacob screamed, running up to me. He hugged me and spinned me around.
"GET YOUR NASTY HANDS OFF MEEE!" I shrieked.
Pro-caine and Salt started laughing so hard.
Jacob looked at them, he stared at Salt, and out of nowhere, a light shined on her, and only her.
"I'm Jacob," Jacob introduced himself to Salt and kissed her hand. "And you are a goddess," he said looking at her.
---
DUN DUN DUN
