I slammed the doors open to the courtroom and everyone turned around. I walked straight up to the plaintiff (accuser) and pushed him off his chair. Then I pushed off the defendant (accused one), picked up Matthew, and put him on the chair. The judge stood up.
"What is the meaning of this?" he cried and slammed his hammer on his table. I put Jacob's unconscious body onto the plaintiff's chair and dragged Sidney Smith to the witness chair by the judge. The jury gasped.
"Your Honor, I'm here to present a case against this monster right here!" I pointed at Matthew.
"Hey! Where's my defense lawyer?" Matthew shouted and slammed his fist on the table. "Ow."
I sighed and and set a back scratcher on his defense attorney's seat. "Now can we start?" I asked.
The judge nodded. "Present your case."
I pointed at Jacob Sartorius and said, "Your Honor, there's sufficient evidence that Mr. Menna killed Jacob Sartorius."
"He's dead?" Sidney cried from her spot. He was just unconscious, but I nodded anyway.
"Present your evidence."
I stood up and walked around but paused. "I should also mention that I'm going to serve as the prosecutor here to represent the federal government. Now," I pulled out a bag from my pocket, "this is my phone from last year that Matthew used to scratch his butt. Sidney is the witness. She saw all this at Jacob's party. This is evidence that Matthew causes a disturbance around the whole country by scratching his butt in public and using other people's objects to do so. And now for my evidence that he killed Jacob." I took out a microscope and inspected Matthew thumb then at the box of plates that hit Jacob.
I gasped dramatically. "The fingerprints are exactly alike!" I exclaimed. The jury gasped. "Matthew threw this box at my husband and killed him!"
"Back scratcher, speak up for me!" Matthew yelled at the back scratcher. It was silent.
The jury went into their back room to discuss whether Matthew was innocent or guilty. A minute later they came out and one of them said, "Guilty, your honor."
The guards kicked Mathew to the floor and dragged him away. "NOOO! It wasn't me, I swear!" He screamed. I grinned. Wait. I was supposed to get money, not arrest Matthew!
"Your Honor, doesn't he owe me money for killing my husband? For like, funerals and stuff?" I asked.
"Well, he owes money to Jacob," the judge said.
"But he's dead!" I cried.
"Then it goes to whoever he passes the money to in his will." The judge said. I went to Jacob and pulled his will from his pocket.
All of my money goes to Sidney Smith when I die.
I quickly hid it and argued, "But he's dead and I'm the one who will have to pay for everything. So I get the money."
"Fine," the judge sighed and gave me ten cents. At that moment, Jacob woke up and blinked around.
"What going on? What happened?" He said. Everyone in the courtroom gasped.
Oh nooooo.
"You said he was dead!" The judge shouted.
"Well, he tends to come back to life," I said timidly.
"Jacob, who threw the box at you?" The judge asked. Jacob looked at me and said,
"It was Emma." The jury gasped. The guards ran to where they had dragged Matthew and pulled out a skeleton.
"He's already dead!" They shouted.
He died??????
The judge came up to me and snatched his dime back with contempt. The guards dragged me to the same place and I screamed. There was a cellar door. The guards opened the door and pushed me down. There was a staircase that I stumbled down on. It was suddenly very hot. I looked around to see what could have reduced Matthew to his skeleton, but there was nothing. I was pushed into a cell and they locked me in. Jacob came down, flanked by guards.
"Emma, why would you throw that box at me?" He said.
"I don't know," I said sadly. Now I would be in jail for 25 years. Sigh.
Jacob left, crying his eyes out (and probably planning his next break up party). I turned to the prisoner in the cellar by me who was smoking in his corner. "Hey, how did that guy who just came down here turn into a skeleton?" I asked. The guy raised his eyebrows.
"That fat guy? He tripped on the stairs and fell into that pot of lava right there," and he pointed at a vat of lava I had not noticed before. "They had to pull his skeleton out."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"Abeer," he said and exhaled a puff of smoke.
"You're a guy. That's a girl name," I said.
"You're a kid. This is an adult prison," Abeer retorted.
I farted in my sadness and watched as Abeer inhaled it. His eyes widened and he clutched his chest and collapsed. Was he dead or unconscious? I couldn't tell. I stuffed burritos into my mouth to conjure up the biggest fart to ever exist.
A/N
Chapter by snowgolem
