"...Almost...there...!" I heaved. Climbing Mount Everest was not easy. Not at all. Especially with a wheelchair. "Couldn't we have rode a helicopter up here?" I roared over the howling wind so that Justin Beaver could hear me.
"No, the Salty One does not accept any communication with the outside world, or any of their technology. She came to live up here because of her crippling depression, when she found out I was just a beaver. I already told you about her weird obsession with me."
"And you think she'll make an exception for us?" I asked doubtfully. "Souhaila won't kick us out?"
"She will understand our mission. Plus, she's always wanted to kill Fartorius." He gripped his rope and took one more step, and finally onto the summit. My inner thermometer told me it was around -70 degrees. "There it is!" He pointed at a little hut just in front of us. There was a tall willow tree and a pile of salt on the side. Long brown strands of hair emitted through the space between the door and the ground. Beaver looked pointedly at me.
"Heck no, I'm not going to open that door!" I said. He shrugged and pulled it open.
"Hisssssssssssssssss," hissed the person inside. I gulped as an armchair slowly turned and revealed the Salty One. Her eyes were covered by a pale, wrinkled hand and her graying hair spilled down her shoulders and out through the door with its length. "Close the door!" I immediately slammed the door shut.
Souhaila blinked her eyes and used a remote to pause something on her TV. "I thought you had no contact with the world or their technologies?" I asked.
"Well, Daredevil is an exception." I nodded in agreement.
"Ok, but why do you talk like this?"
"I don't know. Now get out of my house!"
"Stop being so salty. Oh wait."
"Shut up, Emma! Souhaila, we need your help." Justin slammed the burrito-covered book on the table. "I was going to use this book to find Reeyam Pro-caine the Roaster but Jacob Fartorius ruined it with his burrito sauce! We're trying to destroy him once and for all."
Souhaila picked up the book and stroked her real beard. "Ah, this is the book I wrote several thousand years ago."
"How old are you again?" I asked.
"Who knows? Well, we have a problem..."
"Ugh, what is it this time?"
"Well, you see, I barely remember any of this crap, especially after I dedicated my life to Justin Beaver." She thoughtfully ran her fingers over the cover.
"Wait, but he's right here! Don't you see him?" I said. "And you have to remember something!"
"I don't see him! I'm blind, you idiot!" she screamed. "I dedicated my life to Daredevil, and I wanted to know the pain he suffered everyday, so I took my sight!"
"Wait, why were you mad when you were exposed to the light when I opened the door?" I asked.
"Because the heat from the light was unbearable, which is why I keep it pitch black in here."
"And I thought this story couldn't get any weirder," Justin sighed and ran a hand through his fur.
"What?"
"Nothing. Souhaila, please tell you remember something about Reeyam!"
"Because I want to be annoying and end this chapter early, I will tell you this. The only thing about Reeyam the Roaster that I remember is that she has been dead for several million years," she said saltily. She grabbed a handful of salt and gulped it down, then took more and put it in her long hair. She smacked her lips. "Salty."
