Jacob put on a ski mask and rolled me into the huge place where the concert would take place. "What's with the mask?" I asked.
Jacob looked around at the screaming fans around us. There were still twelve hours until the concert. "My fans are crazy," he whispered. "If they see me, all hell breaks loose." He pulled on his mask to make sure everything was covered.
Suddenly, an eight year old girl pointed at me with wide eyes. "YOU'RE THE POTATO THAT KIDNAPPED JACOB!!! WHERE IS HE? EVERYONE ATTACK!" All at once, a thousand bodies were thrown onto me in their attempt to kill me. "SHE KIDNAPPED JACOB SARTORIUS! KILL HER!"
A girl stuffed her fist in my nose, so I blew, making all my boogers get on her hand. She screamed and took it out. "JACOB HELP!" I shouted. I hated asking for help, but I seriously had no choice. There was no reply. "JACOB!" I screamed, but then someone covered my mouth and my nose, so I couldn't breathe. I turned around and saw Jacob discretely tip toeing away.
"Seriously?!" I grabbed one of the crazy girls' hair and swung her around like a lasso. I knocked down at least thirty girls at once. I grabbed the hand on my face and dug my nails into it, making the hand bleed. I took a knife and cut off the hand, then farted on it. The girl wailed and ran away. No one was left.
Except a thousand more reinforcements! A helicopter crashed through the ceiling and one million girls jumped out, all carrying automatic machine guns.
"Oh hellllllll nah!" I said. I had to get revenge on Jacob. "LISTEN TO ME, YOU CRAZY BRATS! I DIDN'T KIDNAP YOUR JACOB SARTORIUS! YOU WANT PROOF? HE'S RIGHT OUTSIDE THAT DOOR!"
I rolled my way to the door and farted on it so it blew open. There Jacob was, tiptoeing to his limo, and was still in his ski mask. "THERE HE IS!" I cried. Jacob's eyes widened.
"He went that way!" he shouted and pointed to the sky. The girls put down their torches and pitchforks and blinked at him with confusion. "Ahem...Jacob died. And his soul went to...heaven. Hopefully," he added.
"Are you sure he didn't go down," a girl dared to ask, "to Hell?"
"Of course he didn't!" Jacob said indignantly. I stifled a laugh.
"Well, how did he die?" I demanded.
"He was run over by a herd of cows. And flamingos."
"Where did this herd come from?"
"Well, the animals saw me-I mean Jacob- and they decided they wanted to kill me-I mean Jacob. Then Baby Ariel came to finish the job."
"So, guy who is not Jacob, how do we get to Jacob?" I asked with raised eyebrows. Jacob anxiously licked the skin where his lips should be.
"You kill yourself. And if you're a good person, you meet him. If you're not, well, you go down," Jacob said. All the girls instantly fell to their knees and looked up to the sky. Maybe a little repenting could put them in heaven.
"Please, God, forgive me for killing my friend who insulted Jacob!"
"Please, God, forgive me for trying to kill Emma, Jacob's wife!"
"God, I don't know if you're real, but if you are, please forgive me for killing myself to met Jacob Sartorius."
"Forgive me for killing my dog at my yearly sacrifices for Jacob Sartorius."
"Pleas, God, forgive me for stealing my mom's wallet to buy all of Jacob's merch!"
"Please, God, forgive me for killing all these stupid girls who actually think Jacob loves them! He loves me, and me only!"
A second later, dozens of girls collapsed to the ground as bullets ran through them. I made my wheelchair spin 180 degrees and saw none other than Ghida the turban clad maniac shooting all these innocent-well not really innocent, turns out-girls with an automatic assault rifle! However, none of the girls even ran away! But most surprisingly, some even pushed others out of their way so they could be closer to Ghida's line of fire. One by one, millions of girls died to see Jacob Sartorius who was actually standing right in front of them.
Speaking of Jacob, I turned around to look at him to see his reaction to the massacre. But all I saw was a limo speeding away on Jacob Street, which had been named after Jacob Sartorius. Surprise surprise.
I wheeled my wheelchair as fast as possible, and finally caught up to the limo. I jumped off my chair and onto the top of the car. Sitting on it was enough for the roof to sink down, and I fell on the seat.
"Emma! You lived!" Jacob yelled and threw his one good arm around me. I opened the window to vomit out then shut it.
"Get your slimy hands off me!" I screamed and snapped his good arm in two. It fell limp to his side.
"Well sorry. I'm being nice here!" he said defensively. I laughed crazily.
"Nice? I would've died if I didn't save myself. Do you understand how much I hate you?"
"Then why are you here?" he asked with a smug smile. I brightly smiled back.
"To do this!" I said and punched him on his face. Instead of blood, pale beige liquid oozed out of his nose. "Uh, where's your blood?"
"Well, some people always wonder why my face is always red. It's because my skin is actually red, and my blood is what makes it look like some of my skin is beige. It's a rare disease," he said and held his nose.
"You're a rare disease, Jacob," I said with disgust.
"Well, at least I can still look forward to the concert that's in ten hours."
"You literally have one fan left. It's Ghida," I said.
"Trust me, more will come. Many more," he said gravely.
"Well, sheesh, you don't have to make it sound so scary," I commented.
"It's scary! I'm serious when I say that those girls will do anything, hurt anything, and kill anyone in their way to see me." He shuddered. "I mean, have you seen those Wattpad stories about me? Pure evil, I say!"
"Ew, no one likes Wattpad. It's all werewolves and crap."
"Whatever. We're here," he said and the limo pulled up into the driveway of our mansion. We got out and a random question came to my mind.
"Who's driving us anyway?" I asked and I looked at the driver seat The . On the seat was a Killer Klown with a capital K who grinned evilly at me and waggled his fingers in a wave. He leaned up and licked the window, and I jumped back.
"He's my best friend," Jacob said with a big smile. I shuddered and made my way to the house. My only hope for now was that Jacob would get cancer from his own music like so many others did.
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Chapter by snowgolem
Lalalalallalalalala I have nothing to say so bye!
