Now that my mom was gone, I could focus on my main goal: destroying Jacob's life. I ran up to my room and looked out the window where I could see Jacob's room through his window. His lips were moving. Before the sound waves could even reach my ears, my ears were bleeding.
"SO LET'S NOT WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW! AH AH NAH NAH AHHHHHHHHHHHHH" The frequency was so high that I knelt on the ground and screamed. I saw him take off his headphones and look at me. He bent down with a smile and farted a fart so powerful that it made my whole room vibrate. A second later, the house erupted in a nuclear explosion from his fart.
I ran outside and screamed at him, "Where am I gonna live?! You're evil!"
"Ummmmmm you have like a trillion dollars. You can live wherever you want!" he yelled from his window.
"Oh yeaaaa!" I went to the house on the other side of Jacob's and kicked out the owner. I threw him the trillion dollar bill and screamed, "Keep the change, ya filthy animal!"
He smiled and happily threw his clothes and everything into his dump truck and drove away. I ran inside and scavenged two trillion dollars in pennies from between the couch cushions. "Awesome!" I said and went to buy a deadly laser.
"What do you need that for?" Jacob said and I pointed it right at him and pulled the trigger.
"For this!" I let out a war cry as the red beam hit him. Nothing happened.
"Boi, that's literally one of those guns from Star Wars. You wasted a billion dollars on that! Ha! Loser! All my friends are coming overrrr," he sang as he danced to his house. I stroked my imaginary majestic beard as I watched this.
"So the infamous Jacob Sartorius is having a party. Hmmmmm..." I pressed my fingers to my temples and meditated to think of an awesome plan to crash his party.
Aha! I got it! I thought with an evil smile.
~~~
Three Hours Later
There's an hour before all of Jacob's friends come over. By friends I mean his stupid fans and that one pedo down the street.
I grabbed my pickle jar and phone before going to Jacob's house. He was in his basement, ordering his mom to decorate the whole place. By the time I made it down the staircase, he had already uploaded twenty Musicallys to his account.
"Omg I'm only second place on the leaderboard. Cri evry tim," he said as I walked up to him. "Hey! What do you want? You're an hour early."
"I thought it was time we settled this farting competition between us once and for all. I promise to never try to kill you again," I lied and stuck out my hand. He shook it with a suspicious look on his ugly face.
"Fine, but give me a minute to change," he said and ran upstairs. I took the time to look at my surroundings. There was a huge trophy display in the middle of the room. I glared at the many farting trophies inside. At that moment, Jacob came back. I looked at him then blinked again to make sure I was not trapped in some hellish nightmare. But when I opened my eyes he was still there, standing in the smallest Speedo I had ever seen. I screamed, closed by scarred eyes, and my first instinct was to push the billion pound trophy case onto him.
Just before the case hit him, Jacob turned, bent down, and let out the loudest fart I've ever heard which pushed the trophy case up, away from him. It flew into the air and hovered over my head. Oh crap. I ran away but the trophy case followed me. I knelt down and said,
"Please, please don't kill me! I'm too beautiful to die!" Jacob cackled and put the trophy case back to it original spot. He stood tall and put his hands on his hips. I shed tears of blood when I looked at him.
"I think I'm the winner of this competition!" he said. "Leave! The party is in half hour!"
I crawled back to my new home, crying miserably. Well, I cried until I was out of Jacob's sight. When he went back into his house, I stood up and pulled the pickle jar out of my pocket. Yes! I collected his fart in the jar and recorded the sound using my phone! The jar vibrated with the terrible fart inside. No one would be friends with him when I was done muahahahaha!
