We arrived at an old warehouse and he took me inside.
*Cues dramatic music*
"What do you want?" I asked.
"You always wanted to kill that fart that you call Jacob right," He said.
I gasped dramatically, "H-how do you know?"
"Its all over the news, #kidnappedbymywife sound familiar?" He said giving me a boi face.
"Ok, yes I wanna kill him, but he's immortal!"
"See how he died for 20 years and came back to life?" he asked.
"Yea. How do you know that? And turn around and take off that creepy hood off!" I shouted at his turned back.
"Emma," he said with a dramatic voice, "I BROUGHT HIM BACK TO LIFE!"
"GASP!" I exclaimed. "KILL YOURSELF!!!!! WHYYYYYYYYYYY???"
"Because...Because..." he slowly turned around. "He told me..."
"Told you what?" I asked.
"He told me he would turn me into a human :(" he said as he turned to face me.
"GASP!" I exclaimed again. Instead of a human face, there was a beaver looking at me. "That's not how you looked on your Instagram yesterday!"
"Because I wear a mask. All I ever wanted was to be a human and sing. Then, a few decades ago, Jacob told me he could turn me into a human if I brought him back to life."
"How did he tell you that if he was dead?" I asked.
"He told me before he died, but he knew he was gonna die. So when he died I brought him back to life. But then it turned out to be a big joke!" he sobbed into his hands. I patted his back awkwardly and then said,
"How did you bring him back to life?" He shuddered as if the memory was terrible- it probably was.
"First I had to travel the world. Then I had to find his grave which was hidden deep under the pyramids of Giza, and then dig it up. Finally, I had to sing all his songs, but in a remix version of my own."
"How did you sing all his songs if they just came out a year ago?"
"He made those songs two thousand years ago."
"Oh wow."
"So after I brought him back to life, I asked him how he would turn me into a human. And all he gave me was a mask."
"Terrible!"
"I know, he is pure evil. Which is why I need your help to kill him once and for all!"
"You're a bit late for that, buddy. He just became infinitely immortal!" I yelled.
"How do you think he died?" he asked.
"Like a normal person. He wasn't immortal when he died because he didn't win the Fartorius Competition that year. Right?"
"You're right, he was mortal. BUTT, the way he was killed, works if he is immortal or mortal!" he shouted.
"Whoa, calm down."
"SORRY! Ok, well that way is......"
"WHAT IS IT?"
"...TO be roasted by the best roaster of all!" Justin Beaver declared. "Oh by the way, did you see my new cringy T Mobile ad?"
"There's no time! We have to find the master roaster you speak of!"
"Wait, give me a minute." So he left the room and came back a minute later with a huge, dusty book in his hands. He plopped it on the table and dusted off his hands. "This book was made by the one and only..."
"WHO????"
"Souhaila Salt."
"WTF?"
"Also, Ricegum."
"Hey, I love that guy!"
"Also, Matthew."
"LOL, he died a long time ago."
Justin nodded his beaver head. "And Ricegum is now friends with Jacob. SO our only hope is Souhaila Salt, AKA Sou." He shuddered. "She has an unhealthy obsession with me. She even set her school profile picture as my abs."
"That's messed up," I commented.
"Yea, it is. BUTT she wrote this book, so that's really helpful."
"Ok, what's in the book?"
"Directions on how to find the master roaster, Reeyam Procaine but she's better known as Reeyam Cocaine."
"Oh, I wonder why!" I said sarcastically, popping the p.
"Last time, Jacob died by being roasted by Ricegum. But it wasn't enough, making it possible for me to bring him back. If we get Reeyam to roast him, he can NEVER come back!"
Justin slowly opened the huge book and dramatically gasped.
"There's... There's..."
"WHAT?"
"There's burrito sauce all over this!" the beaver cried.
"Well, there you have it. Jacob knew you would want to destroy him, so he messed up the book. Surprise surprise. Yawn."
"There's only one way we can find Reeyam Pro-caine now," he said with grave eyes.
"And that is...?"
"We find Souhaila Salt and tell her to tell us what was in this book."
