The cringe worthy song, "All My Friends" shook Jacob's house when I arrived at the party. One of my hands held the deadly fart and the other held my phone with the recording of the fart. I looked around in disgust at the ten year old girls around me. Jacob was still in his Speedo which, for some unfathomable reason, seemed to attract more little girls. I sketchily walked to the corner and smoked weed with the creepy pedo until the infamous Sidney Smith, the girl Jacob just started to date yesterday, walked in. A hush went over the crowd. The waiter passing out burritos dropped the plate in shock. I laughed manically. Why was everyone so intimidated by her? Everyone turned to me and I quickly threw my weed to the ground. I was stoned!
"Sidney Smith. You love your boyfriend Jacob, don't you?" I screamed and she raised her eyebrows.
"YEA of course! We'll be together forever. You're just a jealous little girl!" she shouted. I grinned.
"Okay. Well, look at this video, then tell me if you love him," I said and I gave her my phone. She watched the video of Jacob bending down and letting out an earth-vibrating fart. She smiled. Then I let out the fart from the jar, and she still smiled!
"You're so stupid! Of course I know he farts for a living... in fact, he's better at it than lip-syncing!"
"Hey!" called Jacob, but she waved him off.
"Stop trying to steal my boyfriend, you idiot!" And she threw my phone into Matthew's hands, who married Jacob's mom after he left mine.
"Yes! I've always wanted a butt scratcher!" Matthew said and stuck it down the back of his pants. I vomited right onto Sidney's dress. She cried and pulled off her ugly dress and suddenly realized she was standing only in her underclothes. Jacob started to drool until he noticed her underwear...which had a billionaire pictures of Cameron Dallas faces??? Everyone immediately took out their phones and took pictures and videos.
"Sidney? I thought you loved me! We're over, Sidney!" Jacob started to cry pathetically, weeping into Matthew's pants. Then he let out a long fart in agony. I grinned and took the time to throw Sidney a sweatshirt which she immediately put on and I went to the speakers in the back of the room. I blasted "Sweatshirt" and laughed evilly. Sidney cried into the large sleeves.
"Step one complete: ruin Jacob's love life!" I cackled and ran out, leaving a Speedo-clad Jacob yelling at Sidney.
