Fıx you {H.S.}

5| Great Friends

"Heather?" Harry said again, his arms wrapping themselves around my back. "Heather, are you okay? What's wrong? Talk to me."

I couldn't speak. I felt as though I wasn't even myself. I was huddled close to Harry and crying into his chest as though we were best friends. And we weren't. I couldn't even begin to imagine how awkward he must feel right now. But I couldn't pull away. The warmth of his body was comforting me through his white cotton t-shirt and strangely, he wasn't pulling away either. In fact, he was holding onto me now. His arms hugging me close, his fingers running through my hair soothingly.

I found myself struggling to breathe and everything enclosed in on me and I choked out more awful sobs into Harry's now damp shirt.

"Heather." Harry said again. "Breathe. Take a deep breath." He said softly.

I did as he said and instantly felt more relaxed and everything made a bit more sense. I pulled away from him and laughed as I shook my head, trying to show him I didn't just collapse into him crying. Even though we both know I just did.

"Is everything okay?" Harry asked me seriously, his grip on me slowly loosening as I pulled further away.

"Please don't make me go home." I said. "Not tonight. I can't go back there."

Harry pulled a confused look but nodded in some sort of understanding. "Uh, sure? Yeah. Um...."

I wiped at my eyes and sniffed. "I.......I'm so messed up." I laughed lightly. "I'm so damn messed up."

Harry still didn't let go of me. "I don't understand?" He said in a confused tone.

"You don't want to." I said, pulling away from him entirely. "God, you so don't. I'm a mess. Look at me! Look at my life!"

Before Harry could say anything, I continued. "I hate my life. I hate myself. You know, this one day I thought I could handle it. I thought I could celebrate the occasion with my mom like a proper family. I tried. I really did. But god, I just fuck everything up. That's always what I do. And now Maria's gone and-"

"Heather, calm down." Harry interrupted, stepping closer towards me and breathing in and out deeply, trying to get me to copy him. "Slow down, yeah?"

I took a deep breath and nodded before looking up at him and meeting his gaze. He cocked his head to the side and studied me for a bit. "Are you alright?" He asked.

I felt more tears roll down my cheek and I felt so vulnerable standing like that in front of him, my cheeks stained with tears and my face scrunched up in an awful crying face. I shook my head. "No." I sobbed.

Harry pulled me into him and held me tight, just making me cry harder. And this time, I wasn't so quick to leave his grasp. I slowly started to relax as we just stood there, him holding me and me sobbing into his chest. And I didn't want to say anything. I wanted to stay there forever. Stay there in that weird limbo I was in with Harry - the guy I barely even knew but felt so comfortable around.

"You wanna talk about it?" Harry asked me suddenly.

"No." I said again. "But I want to talk."

Harry seemed to understand as he pulled away suddenly and held me at arms length and studied me. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't just tell him every single thing about me. Not yet.

"I'll be here all night." Harry smiled.

---

"So you see, I really want a cat. But my sister's allergic." Harry said to me as we sat on the old rustic swing set I was all too familiar with. But because Harry was with me, I didn't feel alone and therefore, I didn't need dad's presence.