Fıx you {H.S.}

22| Baby Bump

I watched Harry from up on the balcony as he walked down my driveway, turned down the street and then just stopped for a while. I watched as he leant against a lamp post and ran his fingers through his hair and I felt horrible. It was all my fault. I had done this to him. I had completely messed him up, brought him into my own messed up life and made him live it too and he didn't deserve it.

I wanted to run away and never see him again, just because I knew it was what would be best. But then I couldn't do that, because as selfish as it was, I needed Harry. I couldn't possibly be without him.

I went back inside to my room and sat down on my bed, my head in my hands. I had no idea what to do now, and I knew Harry didn't either. I didn't know how we were going to get through things but Harry had promised that we would. And he never breaks his promises.

I walked over to my record player and started it up, waiting for the song that always calmed me down to start. I lay back on my bed, looking up at the ceiling as my favourite song started to echo around the room. I then moved my hands down to my stomach and tried to see if I could feel anything inside. I knew it was too early to feel a baby kicking, but I swear I could feel different. I could almost feel the life of it inside me and my breath hitched in my throat as I quickly pulled my hands away, the whole idea of it all freaking me out.

My body had changed slightly since I had started eating again, but not much. And I worried about how well it would hold a baby. It wasn't the healthiest, I knew that. What if something went wrong? All because of me?

I closed my eyes, trying to get it all off my mind and eventually I fell asleep.

----

"I saw a job vacancy at that cafe in town by the clothes store?" Harry said to me as we sat in my room on my bed the next day. "I applied and they said they'd get back to me. It was just for cleaning dishes and I probably would work hard hours and get paid very little but it's something, right?"

I looked down at my lap. "Yeah, that's great."

I heard him sigh questionably.

"I should get a job too." I said, looking up at him. "Or maybe go to university?"

"No, you can't. You need to look after yourself and....t-the baby." He said, the last word catching in his throat. "It just sounds so surreal. A baby. Our baby."

I nibbled on my lip, my fingers twisting around in my hands, and I didn't say anything.

"Have you told your mum yet?" Harry asked.

"No, have you?"

"No."

We both sighed. "I'm too scared." I replied honestly. "She'll freak out, Harry."

"But she'll support you." Harry stated. "Of course they'll freak out but we need their support and they'll give it."

"I just can't bring myself to yet." I said softly.

"Then when? If not now?"

"I don't know, Harry! Okay, I don't know. I don't know when to do anything and what to do and where and why and how and just, I don't know!" I cried.

Harry sighed again, he seemed to be doing that a lot. "We will get through this-"

"This isn't war, Harry! This isn't something we have to do to get over with. It's a child! An actual live human being that is ours! It will be forever!" I yelled, the words just affecting me. "Forever." I repeated softly.

"Why are you yelling at me?!" Harry yelled back.

"I don't know. I'm sorry. You're the last person I should be yelling at and.....I'm sorry." I said, putting my head in my hands. "I just wish we weren't in this mess. I wish everything was so much easier."