Him & Her

Ch.18

Ch18

Elizabeth caught up with Cole just as he was opening the front door.

"Cole, wait!" she said.

Cole stopped, hand on the doorknob. He turned back towards Elizabeth just as she stopped running. She stood in front of him, looking at his face. He pressed his lips tightly together, his eyebrows were furrowed, and it looked like he had his jaw clenched. But what upset her the most was the devastation in his eyes. Desolation flooded them like an incoming tsunami.

"Cole..." she whispered.

"I can't take it anymore. I'm just too tired." he took in a sharp breath, like he was holding back a sob. "I'm too tired," he repeated, "I give up. I've tried my hardest to keep going, to make it through, stay strong for her. But she can't even..." he blinked hard, "She can't even remember who I am."

Elizabeth felt as if someone was squeezing her heart. She hated seeing Cole like this, but why did he hold back? Why did he wall up his emotions from her? Why didn't he let his tears fall? Why didn't he bawl his eyes out and scream? Why didn't he let her hold him in her arms and comfort him? Why did he always have to be the strong one? Couldn't he just take a break, and let it all out?

Cole turned away from her again, his breaths fast and heavy. He reached for the doorknob again, but Elizabeth grabbed his arm and spun him around to face her once again.

"Why do you want to leave? You don't have to go." she said.

"I don't want you to see me like this." he wasn't looking at her face. He looked behind her, over her head, but not at her. His eyes were glassy and tears were forming at the bottom. He blinked hard again and the tears vanished from his eyes. Elizabeth wanted to comfort him, hold him in her arms, but he wasn't letting her.

"Cole, it's ok to be vulnerable once in a while." she said quietly, "Why won't you let me be there for you like you are for me? Why won't you let me see you cry?"

"I don't want you to see me like this." he repeated.

"Like what?"

"Weak. Unable to control myself."

"You saw me like that." Elizabeth held his hand, "Cole, it's ok to cry. You're human, that's what humans do."

Cole finally looked at her eyes, his own filling with tears.

"It's ok to cry." Elizabeth repeated.

Then, he let it all out.

He leaned forward until his head was resting on her shoulder, and then he cried. He cried like he had been keeping in his tears for years, which might be true. His shoulders shook, he hugged Elizabeth close, so tight it hurt, as his tears wet her dress. And he was loud, the loudest she had ever heard him be. His sobs echoed through the hallways, loud and full of misery. They weren't soft and calm, they were loud and ugly sobs. They made Elizabeth want to cry too, but she knew she couldn't do that. She knew he was afraid of that happening if he let it all out. So instead she hugged him back, running a hand through his hair, her other hand patting his back, and waited patiently as he cried.

As Cole Kent cried.

•••

After a while, Cole stopped crying. Elizabeth and Cole sat near the front door in silence. Sometime during the period when Cole was crying, they had sat down. Cole's head still rested on Elizabeth's shoulder, but now she hugged him close to her, her back against the wall. She hugged him like he was a huge teddy bear.

Cole's eyes were closed but Elizabeth could see that they were red-rimmed. She could feel his breaths as he took them in shakily and let them out shakily. His arms lay at his sides, resting from when he had began to pull at his clothes, clenching his fists tight until his arms shook from the pressure. He was exhausted from crying.

Elizabeth kissed the top of his head. Something sparked inside of her, she hated when he was hurt. She felt relived that he had stopped crying and hoped that he felt better. Crying always made her feel better.

Finally, Cole moved for the first time in a long time. He sat up, rubbed his eyes, and looked at her. His hair was a mess, his eyes puffy, clothes wrinkled, but he smiled. For some reason he smiled and it made him look very handsome.

"What?" Elizabeth asked.

"Nothing." Cole's voice was raspy from crying. He cleared his throat and said, "I thought you would let me go."

"How could you think that?" Elizabeth asked, "I would never do that. I'd never let you fall."

"I guess I believe that now." Cole smiled again, "Plus, you kissed me. I should cry more often."

"Shut up." Elizabeth smiled, "So, you want to go back?"

Cole took in a deep breath then nodded. He stood up and Elizabeth got to her feet, taking his hand in hers'. He squeezed it tight as they made their way back outside. Elizabeth heard laughter and when they approached the table, she saw that her mom was sitting on the grass near the table with Cole's mom, laughing. Her dad sat with Matilda on the swing set, smiling.

Cole's mom looked up at him and said, "Where have you been, Cole? Your food's going to get cold!"

Cole smiled and sat down next to his mother. Elizabeth sat next to her own mom and smiled, whispering, "Thanks."

"For what?" she asked.

"For calming her down. How'd you do it?"

"Oh, I just told her your baby stories. She found them very funny." she smiled. "How's Cole?"

"He's fine now, but no more personal questions." Elizabeth laughed.

"Right, no more personal questions." her mom repeated. Cole's mom laughed at something Cole told her, it was a sweet sound. "Hey, Elizabeth." Sandra whispered. Elizabeth leaned close to hear what her mom would say. "I like this family." she said.

Elizabeth smiled. For the rest of the day, no one mentioned the episode that had happened and they continued on like it had never really happened. It wasn't a bad day.