Glowing Eyes || Adopted by Josh Dun

chocolate ice cream

The summer moved past faster than I was prepared for. Whether it was something generally exciting like going to the beach or the arcade, or something pretty boring like playing board games when the power went out, it was always happy. Always happy.

And for some reason that question still itched at the back of my mind. When am I going to have to leave all this behind? I started feeling bad, even, for Josh. He was only twenty-six. He was in a band that was quickly gaining popularity. He had his whole life ahead of him; a life that would go so much farther without me in the picture.

The funny thing was, he still kept me around. Josh was still perfectly happy talking to Mrs.Ricks every week when she stopped by to see how things were going. He kept up with paperwork and medical records and all of the other things important for keeping a foster kid. He never complained about it. He never gave me the silent signal that it was time for me to find a permanent family. Nothing. In fact, the topic of how long I was staying and when I was going was strictly avoided. Ignoring it didn't make it any better for me, though.

So, here I sit, knowing what's coming next. It's that old 'family-meeting' you see in movies, where the mom or dad sits their kid down and breaks the bad news. Except this wasn't a family meeting, I knew, this was the exact opposite. I tried not to let my hand shake. I tried not to rub my thumb and first finger. Or crack my knuckles. Or scratch my palms. Or tug my sleeves. I tried not to fall back into old, anxious practices I learned back when my mom wasn't spoken about in past tense, and instead was a horrible 'is.'

Was this any better?

So, here I sit, Josh has called me out of my room to talk to me about something. Something pretty important. And I haven't had the heart to try and read his facial expressions, to watch the mental battle play with his emotions as he goes over the script he probably created the moment he agreed to take care of me. The oh-so painful goodbye.

Finally I look back up at him, and he cleared his throat. "So, you know that Tyler and I are going on tour for the rest of the summer..." he trailed off, waiting for confirmation.

"Mhm," I tried not to open my mouth, because if it did my voice would crack and I might let the begging tone that was desperately crawling itself up my throat out for him to see. I tried not to close my eyes to brace myself. No nervous habit can help me now. Here it comes.

"After talking with Tyler about it," oh god, Tyler planned this, too? "He finally convinced me that it would be safe for you come with us."

Wait.

What?

I let my ears register, my brain back track. But nothing did. I was still hearing the apology but... there was no apology. There was no bad news to break. "Wait, what?" I asked him, trying to get him to repeat what he said. Had I heard it right?

Josh smiled a little, realizing that I didn't believe him. "You're coming on tour with us, Lynn," he smiled.

I hugged him quickly, so he couldn't see the tears of relief flow from my eyes when he repeated those words. He hugged me back and I just repeated, "Thank you," over and over again.

I had never had a stronger urge to not let go of something in my entire life.

••••••

I'd been sent out to do groceries, since Josh had an impromptu date with Debby. She was pretty sweet, but when I met her about a month ago she seemed kind of weird. She was good with kids my age, I had been told, but the entire time I was with her she was kind of distant. Regardless, I told Josh I loved her. She did seem genuinely nice, after all. Plus, Josh really liked her, so I did, too.