Glowing Eyes || Adopted by Josh Dun

freshman

Josh's POV

For the few days after her mom's funeral, Lynn was absolutely broken. She tried to hide it, but it was obvious when little things reminded her of her mom. She kept trying to go out with Tyler and I, too. When we asked her if she wanted to go do something with us, she would say yes, even if she had to force herself to get out.

Some days it got the better of her, though. She'd stay in her room for hours on end. She's barely been eating, and her nightmares have come back. She won't tell me what they're about, and I don't force it out of her. What she does tell me, though, is that they aren't about her mom anymore. I'm not sure if it comforts or worries me to know that.

I just hate seeing her like this, especially when her first day of her freshman year is tomorrow. I can't imagine what it's like for her, and I want to do something. Anything. It hurts every time I see her force a smile, not laugh at something she usually would, or forget to poke fun at me for saying a stupid joke or burning half of the food I'm making. It just isn't Lynn, and I don't know how to help get her back. Tyler kept telling me not to worry, that she was just grieving and would be back to normal, and I knew he was right, I just... I wish I could do something.

It felt weird not having Lynn show up while I was practicing for the show. The air seemed slightly off without the girl with the bright green eyes laughing, or playing the piano, or trying in vain to cook something. It was odd looking around the room and not seeing her sitting on the couch or a counter, lazily scrolling through her phone and listening to music whilst tapping the beat out on whatever her fingers could touch.

My apartment suddenly felt empty.

Lynn's POV

It's confusing. I thought I knew that my mother died, I thought I understood the concept.

Apparently that wasn't the case.

It hurts like nothing I've felt before. It's like my whole body's been dunked in ice-water; oddly-numb, but at the same time everything stung like fire. I was trying to make it better, trying to get happier, but nothing was working.

What made it worse was the horrible realization that came along with it. I started thinking, and I mean really thinking, about my whole situation right now. How I got here. How long I'd be here. And I realized something.

There's absolutely no reason I'm still here.

See, Josh has other people and things to worry about it. If you think about his life as a picture, he has it pretty complete. For years, there's been Tyler and his wife, and his band. He has a family and friends. He's living his dream. His picture is humbly filled. Thing is, he has all of these other things going on, and then I show up.

I came into his picture far to late to really be part of the picture at all.

On the other had, Josh is the only picture I have at the moment. Without my mom or brother, I don't have a family. Sure, I have friends, but they're at the mercy of the foster system I'm under. Josh is the only person I really care about, and who remotely cares about me in return. He's my only constant, the only thing I have to hold on to; and soon I'm going to have to let him go, too.

It got me thinking - what's going to happen to me when there's nothing left? It scares the hell out of me, to suddenly have everything ripped away like that.

So I've narrowed it down to two choices. I can either make that loss easier to handle by trying not to get further attached to Josh, or I can enjoy him while I have him and accept that some horrible heartbreak will come in the end.

I don't know which to choose anymore. Everything is swirling around my head a mile a minute. Everything hurts. My judgement is clouded with grief and worry, and this horrible feeling of being so out of control is tearing me at the seems. Staring at my ceiling isn't helping anymore, and as much as it sends my heartbeat reeling, I know I have to make a decision. I just hope it's the right one.