A Man in White Collar (Completed)

Chapter 27 - Ease

Hold me tight,
As if I would never breathe anymore
Hold me tight,
As if I would never blink anymore
Hold me at ease,
Hence I would know how worth my presence to you

_________

Lou took out the key card and inserted it to the door slot. As the light turned to green indicating the door was unlocked, Lou quickly entered the room and went to the white coach near the balcony. She sat there, staring down to the floor without having something in mind. She felt lost. The clips of Alex meeting her after Cambridge kept flashing in her mind ceaselessly.

"Oh God!" Lou threw her bag away until all the stuffs inside were fallen out.

She cried, harder and harder. Her eyes started to look red as the heat started to climb her cheeks and her ears. Air seemed really hard to flow in to her lungs. She wiped out her tears and pushed herself to breathe deeply. As she looked around the room looking for a bottle of water, she saw her journal that was fallen out of her bag. She neglected her need to drink, Lou took the journal instead. She re-read her past journals in Cambridge, looking for the day Alex had left her after seeing Paul then she stopped. She read it carefully.

"I knew Alex was there watching me with Paul. And that was the last time I remembered that I was completely cruel for hurting someone that I have feelings for. I don't know if he is feeling the same way but that's something I should have not done. But he brought me to Paul and Paul was really weak that moment, I couldn't let him suffering. I love him but I love 'him' too. I just can't decide. All I know, Paul and I are getting back together."

Lou glanced at the wall emptily. She felt lost and completely perplexed.

"This is my mistake. All of it. I couldn't decide. I still don't know where my heart belongs to. This is insane. What kind of person am I?" Lou muttered.

Suddenly somebody knocked the door. Lou got panicked, afraid if it was Paul. She quickly put the journal in her bag and cleaned up her face with water. The door was knocked harder but this time she heard a voice saying, "Lou! Open the door". It was very familiar and she was sure it was Adrien. She felt relieved and she quickly opened the door.

"Adrien," Lou quickly landed her head on his chest, trying to transfer her burdens.

Adrien looked at her confusingly as if he didn't know anything but he did. He slowly wrapped his hand around her back and caressed it, trying to be understanding.

"Okay. Take a deep breath, let's talk inside."

Adrien escorted Lou to the coach and she stroked her back gently. He let her crying as she put her head on his shoulder. Later after that, he put both of his hands on her shoulder and slowly pushed her back. Adrien could see her face clearly now.

"Okay. Tell me what's going on? You left me in Sempione Park and what happened?"

Lou told Adrien from A to Z about her meeting Alex. She felt breathless as she kept on telling what she just experienced but she ignored it.

"I did the biggest mistake in my whole life, Adrien. I'm hurting him and it's hurting me too," her tears raced down from her eyes. "If he can't be with me then why did he say that he loves me? What is he trying to do?!"
Adrien kept rubbing her back, her state of mind was completely a mess, "I understand, Lou. I understand."

Lou had never been that weak before. She used to be stronger than ever, she never cried a river for love. She cried for Paul but never been as hard as she did for Alex.

"If you allow me, can I speak now?" asked Adrien politely as he let go of Lou from his hug. The left side of his shirt made a big wet circle because of her tears.