Chapter 25: The Other Way Around

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Wanting you is like creating a bruise
The more I move, the more I get hurt
Loving you is like putting off a plaster on my skin
The more I do, the more I want to seal it back

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"Because the angel that I told him was actually you. I never knew if it was you. I never knew if the woman that I'm falling in love with is actually my best friend's fiancé. And that's why I left Cambridge and started to make a new life here but nothing changed. I'm still in love with you," Alex sighed as if he had just let go of hundred stones from his back.

Lou closed her eyes as she tried to hide million secrets that she had been keeping to herself. She closed her eyes tightly as tears started to come out but she held it hardly. She opened her eyes and tears almost streamed down, "Alex. I know it has always been you. I knew it from the start. Actually when I found you in Arnold Arboretum where Paul was there too, I was looking for you. I was going to say something that a girl couldn't even think of at first sight, something that needs courage to do so. And I just want to tell you that.."

"Please, don't say that word," Alex interrupted, shaking his head as he sighed at the same time.

"I've loved you at first sight, Alex. You can't stop me," Lou's eyes widened, hearing his response but she continued instead. "You don't even know what I was going to say. I want to be with you, you are the only person that I could even think of. I can't stop thinking about you, the picture of you haunted me every time I sleep, even every single second. And this is the reason why I looked for you and now I found you because I want to be with you. You are the only person that I want to spend the rest of my life with."

Alex quickly stepped closer, dropping the book nowhere and put both of his hands on Lou's shoulder. He stared at her deeply, very close until Lou could smell his breath. The autumn felt really warm that day. He gave a look that Lou couldn't even understand. It wasn't joy, it wasn't disappointment. It was more like the amalgam of both of it.

"I love you. I always have. Until this second, until my last breath. I love you but it's killing me. You give me too much pain even in silence."

Lou narrowed her eyes, "Why do I give you that pain?"

Alex sighed heavier, "I'm just some random guy you bumped into in Arnold Arboretum that somehow you fall in love with, but I'm still that some random guy you barely even know. We do realize about this magical thing. All I know love at first sight was some kind of myth until it happened to me, and I realized it is real. You are my best friend's fiancé, you are my best friend's lover that he couldn't stop falling in love with because I know him too well. I want to be with you too, I want to spend the rest of my life with you too but I can't do that. I can't have what belongs to my best friend. Especially when I know you're getting married in a few days from now. Your future is him, not me, Lou."

Lou was frozen hearing his answer. His answer was like millions of bullet shooting her chest at the same time. She knew what she was going to do was completely risky. She had to deal with Paul if she wanted to be with Alex. She realized that Alex was right but she couldn't lower her ego because she wanted to follow her heart rather than her mind. However, she still couldn't say anything.

"I will talk to Paul about your investigation. I will make everything clear. I will tell him to knock about this angel thing off. I will show up and tell him that I already found my angel because the fact is, I did. But I just can't be with her,"

Finally Lou decided to speak, "Why are you doing this to me?" Lou took his hands off of her shoulder and held it tightly with both of her hands for a few seconds and let go of them. "Why are you acting as if you are the upper hand? Who's getting married? Me. Not you. I have total control here. I will talk to Paul about it and we can run away, move to another country and have another life. We can do that together."

Alex sighed and he closed his eyes, looking for courage to stop her thinking that way. "Because I can't do that, that's not me. I can't be like someone that you want me to be. I told you, I can't. You can't be with me, I can't be with you. I'm sorry."

Lou stared at him emptily, showing disappointment, mostly. The repetition of I can't made her head ached. She was not surprised with what Alex said. She already expected it because she knew Alex was not one of those guys who do that kind of thing. However, she was still disappointed with his statement, it felt more like rejection. Suddenly the picture of Paul flashed in her mind. Thinking about the reason why Alex could have said so. She suddenly got reminded of the time he proposed her in Luxembourg, the promise they had made that they were made for each other. Lou was sinking in the moment. She eventually figured out what she felt towards Alex. She stared back at Alex and put her hands on Alex cheeks, caressing them gently.

"I understand," Lou put her hands off of his cheeks. "I understand why you can't. But somehow you need to understand about a man marrying a woman whose love is actually for another person, not him. And that's the reason why I have my own reason to look for you, because I don't want Paul to marry a woman that he doesn't deserve. His love is sacred, and I don't deserve that."

Lou closed her eyes, sighing. "It is okay, Alex. I have to go. I also will tell him that I found you and keep this conversation off the record. I'm sorry, once again."

Lou turned her back leaving Alex. Alex couldn't say a word. He wanted to take her hands, pulling her back and hug her tightly. But he believed it had to be like this. He believed that Paul could treat her better. And in that moment, he decided to let go of her. Alex watched her leaving the scene until she disappeared, covered by trees around. He turned back and took the book he threw on the ground behind him. When he was about to take the book, he saw brown leather shoes standing in front of him. He gazed his eyes to his head but the sun blocked his eyesight, making the look of the man who was standing in front of him dark. Alex stood up and finally figured out what he was.

"You did a pretty good act, you should be an actor someday." said him smirking, clapping. "If you ever try to approach her again, you will watch her dying like your mom's death."

Alex sighed, holding his anger to not punch him in the face. "You are an asshole bastard fake friend who sells his best friend only for money, Adrien. You'll pay for it someday."

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