Lucy Hates Me[Dipper x oc)

Chapter 8: I'm Starting a Journal

I had been staying at the Mystery Shack for about three day when I decided I'd start keeping a record book. A bit of a diary type of thing. It was meant to help me organize my thoughts about the people of Gravity Falls but it just became more of something to do when I wasn't with Mason or when I was on break. I had decided to call it my journal in honor of Journals 1 through 3. It had a puppy and kitten playing together on the front of the notebook so it didn't seem like I was doing much when I wrote in it.

Dear Journal,

I've been staying on the couch in the Mystery Shack for the last three days and it is a lot worse than I'd anticipated. It turned out that while we rarely saw Ford, we constantly saw Mr. Pines. Mr. Pines had asked me to call him Stan but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Mr. Pines has this tendency to not care. Not care that I was there. No care what his brother did. Not care that he was in his underwear. That's right. His underwear. And by that I mean his boxers, an under shirt, and his slippers. He spends a lot of time sitting in the chair in the living room and watching TV. A surprising amount of soap operas. He tends to sleep there too. He often has night fits and wakes me up by mumbling while he's freaking out, sometimes even yelling out. It's normally stuff about Bill. It sort of scares me sometimes. I wish it would stop.

Ford is making great progress on the portal. I expect he'll have it done within the next few days. I think he works all day and night. I've only seen him on the main level once and that was when he sent Mason and me to the store to get him food. Other than that he stays in his lab working. I know he's been in his room every night because I see the room light when I go to use the bathroom but it always turns off quickly. I think he sleeps there and then goes back to his lab before we get up.

I've been thinking about Mason more and more lately. I don't really like it but at the same time I do. I can't help but think about when he kissed me. I continually think about the possibility of a future with him. I wish I could stop. I'm afraid Lucy will manage to take me over at one point and turn my feelings against Mason. They're growing and I can't yet identify what they are so it's not like I can tell him. I'm scared of myself. I'm scared for Mason and for everyone else in the Mystery Shack. I'm worried that Lucy will take me over and hurt them all. I'm fond of them but I don't know what to do about it.

I think I'm going to make a list of what I think my feelings are for each of the people here. In this room there currently is:

Mable – I like her. She's fun to hang out with.

Soos – He's a great boss and a nice guy. I've actually managed to tell him that I like having him as a boss so he should be safe from Lucy.

Wendy – She's a great friend who knows my original feelings. But my feeling towards her have been compromised... however I know what these feeling are. It's a flippin' girl crush! It's not right! I know I like boys and I'm not bisexual! Wait... am I? I want to cry but I can't because they'd ask me what was wrong and then I'd have to tell them about the crush on Wendy~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ Oops. I had to cover the page and my pen went across the page while it was pressed against my chest. Wendy came up behind me while I was writing and tried to read over my shoulder. While I was writing about having a crush on her! If she ever sees this, I'll die!

Mr. Pines – He is an interesting man. My feelings are 'Meh. He's here but who cares.' I don't think Lucy can hurt someone who I don't care about or dislike so he may be safe. Still, I thik I should at least tell him he's 'meh' to me.

Ford – He is the most interesting man I've ever met. I can relate to him. He's actually surprisingly easy to talk to.

Mason – [sigh.] I don't even know. My feelings for him are a strong, jumbled, confusing mess. I don't even know what to do! They make me happy and jealous and all sorts of things. I hate that I can't identify what this is. I just know that if Lucy was to take me over, Mason would probably meet the grim reaper within a matter of minutes. It's a good thing that Lucy has only managed to take me over in my sleep so far. She slit my wrists again last night. I'm super scared. I don't want to hurt anyone. I can live with hurting myself but hurting others... it would literally kill me. Do I LoveMason? No. That isn't possible... is it? I'll just cross it out later.

Well, that was officially painful. When Wendy looked over my shoulder I pulled this journal to my chest, drew a line on the page, and yelled "No! Wendy you can't see!" then my face became tomato red! It's only getting worse as I sit here writing this. Crap! Now she and Mason are looking at me. I'm going to stop for the day.

~Lillyin 'Lucy Really Hates Me' Castle

I closed my book and hooked the end of my pen on the spiral part. I covered my mouth and tried not to cry. It had helped to write everything down but now I was super emotional. I could feel the heat seeping from my face. I could still feel Wendy's and Mason's stares on my back too. I took a deep breath and turned around, my face still very red. "What are you two staring at me for?" I put my hands on my hips and leaned forward slightly. Mason didn't say anything, just looked away.

However, Wendy was not afraid of my temper. "Oh, I don't know... maybe it's the fact that you're redder than a tomato, you just yelled at me about me not being able to see what you were writing in a book marked 'My Journal,' and you're hugging it pretty tight to your chest." Wendy rolled her eyes at me. "You have got to chill, girl."

I dropped my arms and looked at my feet. "I know you're right, Wendy... I'm just worried about... some really personal things." I could fell a tear forming in my eye. "Excuse me." I covered my mouth as I ran out of the room in a mess. I ran into the living room and sat on the couch, tears rolling down my face. I buried my face in my hands. I sobbed. "I'm a freak. A half possessed freak."

"You're not a freak, kid."

My head snapped up when I heard the man's voice. "Ford."

He sat down in the chair. "You're human, not a freak, Lillyin."

I covered my face again and sobbed. I couldn't stop. I was trying to but I just couldn't. It felt good to cry. It'd been a long time since I'd allowed myself to break down. I lifted my head as the sobbing began to wane. "I'm sorry, Ford." Then things started to go fuzzy. Crap. "If I black out, even momentarily, I need you to... tie me... up..." I slumped over and suddenly everything was black.