My Crush On Him.

Chapter 26.

Recap:

I take my stuff and walk to My locker , but when i get there the View of my locker and all the people surrounding it keeps me frozen in my place, i look at the sight in front of me with shock.

It's a Naked Picture of me... I was crying when that Picture was taken, so i covered my face But it's still obvious that its me. "Slut." Is written on my locker in bright red paint on top of the picture.

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"Chapter 26."

You know when something very bad happens to you, and you just can't comprehend it. You can't understand why it's happening. Why you? Why it always has to be you? That feeling of total failure, pain and shock, when you know that you're way too broken, way too shattered to ever be fixed Or saved.
So you just drown yourself in your grief and you cry and shout as much as you can , but the worst part is... the crying and shouting and breaking everything around you won't make you feel any better. It just keeps on getting worse , you keep on getting worse.

You know what i do in these situations? I cut.
I take it all out on myself. Because why me? If I hadn't done a major sin, if I'm not a really bad person then why me? Why it has to be me?
I punish myself. I punish myself for all the mistakes I don't know about, and all those I didn't stop when I could've.

I keep on cutting until the pain is just too much to bare. I get up on my bathroom floor and i take a look at myself in the mirror.

Eyes swollen up.

Make up all over my face.

Hair is a fucking mess.

This is me. This utterly broken piece of shit is me.
I don't deserve to be happy... i can never be happy.

I feel like I'm gonna choke like I can't breathe like it's too hard for me to even exist, I don't know what I'm crying for anymore my pathetic life? Or the fact that i just want to die? I really do wanna die. I know maybe it wasn't my fault maybe the problem isn't me. But then why? Why do i feel so fucking shitty about myself? I just keep on thinking over and over again. When will i stop? Maybe I should stop it all right now. Maybe i should just end it all right now.

I thought I'll get better I thought few days would pass and I'll get better but the more i think about it the heavier my heart gets , i feel like there's a rock on my chest like it's too heavy for me to carry it around. And it's all too much it's all too sad and too broken and too bad , I can't control it and I can't fix it. I can't do anything useful because whether i like it or not I'm just a piece of shit and this is why every thing bad happens to me.

I pick up my hair drier and hit it on my mirror as hard as i can, the sound of it breaking gives me some kind of pure joy. I pick up one of the mirror pieces and look at it. How come it looks more beautiful like this?
It looks like me , broken like me.

I should just do it.

For me.

For Dylan.

For my friends.

For Shawn.

The world would be a much better place without me in it.

I should do it...

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This chapter is too short i know , but i kinda wanted it to be emotional and if it was any longer it would've been less emotional.

So what do you think?

Hope you've liked this chapter❤️

AND TWO UPDATES IN ONE DAY.

Love,
-L🌙