Her Second Chance

Chapter 32

14 February 2016(Valentine's Day)

2 months later

Alex's POV

Valentine's day. One of the most celebrated days of the year. Celebration of love and more love. Celebration of life old and new. Full of hope and possibility. Never been my favourite day,and It feels like how it always felt. I had hoped it be beautiful. Two months ago I knew I would be celebrating this day. However once again fate has different plans for me. So I decided to spend the day with my favourite guy. Josh. My awesome son. Feels like he grew up in the last 2 months. Now we're at the mall having dinner. I just sit there watching couples walk by, hand in hand. It's so beautiful to see.

"Mum. Are you okay." Josh asks for the hundredth time

" Yes honey. I'm fine. Are you done? Do you want to get some ice cream?" I change the topic

" Mum. You are not okay. You haven't been okay since what happened with Luke. Don't pretend." He says angrily

" Are you still referring to him as 'Luke' Josh?"

" Yea mum. After how he's neglected us. He isn't my dad. Never was."

"Josh. It's not his fault he had an accident and doesn't remember us. I guess life happens. So stop being angry okay. It messes up your handsome face."

"Okay mum. I'm just saying. Can I go over there to the arcade. I'll be in your view so you don't have to worry."

" Yes baby." I hand him some coins

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Being alone gives me some time to go back to thinking about Luke. Those few days after the accident. I tried to push and get him back. I did everything I could to jog his memory. Even Josh tried, but nothing worked. Then the days turned to weeks, and now it's been two months. He hasn't been a part of this pregnancy,and it's so sad. He really wanted to be. I know he did. Amazingly mum has been with me to every single antenatal appointment. Yes mum. I now call her mum. It feels right. Jens pregnancy is going great as well. She's due almost the same time as me. It's really been amazing I have them with me. Everything feels less painful. It doesn't fill the void,but it's helped. I haven't contacted Luke after I walked in on Susannah and him in a very strange position. Surprisingly it didn't hurt. I just felt disappointed. That was the last time I saw him. After that I stayed away, and he hasn't tried to contact me. Obviously he won't. I have made peace with that. I understand that these things happen. Luke obviously had a role to play in my role at that current season. Now that season has passed, and so has he. I mean I have work, and awesome friends, an amazing son, and a beautiful daughter on the way. That is all that matters. However that doesn't mean I don't miss Luke, because I do. Every single day. I miss his smell, and smile,his laugh, and his touch. I miss laughing with him, and his amazing way of making me happy, but I've adjusted my life now. So it's going to be okay. It isn't like I need someone to keep me warm, or tell me, he loves me, or that I'm beautiful, especially when I don't feel like it. I don't need anyone. I miss him, but I will live without him. I will get over him...one day, and eventually I will forget him. Right? I will. I must. No! It's never going to happen. I am never going to be able to remove him from my thoughts or my heart. He's left a mark, a stain that's not removable. I guess maybe I don't want to. I love him too much. I will always love him. I don't want to forget Luke. It hurts so much to be without him. I see him everywhere, at home,at work. He's imprinted on my heart,and the sad part is that it's over now. He's moved on without me. With Susannah. I see the newspaper flash their pictures almost everyday. I've tried to hide it from Josh, but he's too grown for that. He's even caught me crying a few times, even though I tried to hide it. He's never touched anything the Luke bough him, and he refuses to speak about him. I can't blame him though. He's a child who got mixed up in all of this. Now we both have to pick up the pieces and move on. No matter how difficult it maybe. Well thats it I guess.