riley
james told me why my parents were brought into the situation. they had to if we were going to take the hospital route, but they all knew that i would've took the james one, so they got us a hotel room a few towns away.
it's basically a get away with my boyfriend so i try and be less depressed. how amazing is that?
we walk into the most beautiful hotel room i've ever seen! it's so perfect and it has beautiful fairy lights and an amazing view and ugh i wish i could live here!
it was around 5:00 when we got here, it's now 8 and me and james are sitting on the bed cuddling. he asks me a few thinks like how i feel right now and whatnot, you know, the usual stuff.
but finally i decide to come out and tell him everything that's bugging me.
"james..i love you and..i'm scared..what if you find a girl better than me or prettier than me or skinner than me? what would happen to me? also..everyone at school hates me because i'm dating you. it's like they've forgotten about the nerds and geeks and just notice me. everyday i constantly get told to kill myself and that i'm a slut and a horrible person. why else do you think i'm depressed? i just want to be normal like them and not have to deal with all this! i just wish i wasn't here, they would all be happy and i would stop having to worry about if i lost you," i began crying after i say almost of the situation, ill explain the rest later. i think i've left james speechless.
he just hugged me and told me everything was okay. i'm sort of glad he's not saying "that's not true" and stuff like that because it makes me mad, i don't want people to lie to me.
after a couple of hours of me basically just crying and cuddling with james he asks, "so you don't have any friends at school anymore?"
"well i met this one guy," i began and james got a little tense, "don't worry he's gay."
he calmed down a bit, "what's his name?"
"dylan."
"oh that's cool, do you guys hang out?"
"we only ever talked once, but i'm sure he would hangout with me if i asked maybe?"
our conversation carried out for hours and it's now 1 am. i go into the bathroom and change into a tank top and short shorts and lay in bed.
we cuddle for a few minutes and then i fall asleep in his arms.
• • •
james
i get up before riley just to clear my thoughts, i left a note in the room telling her i was going to the gym.
i still can't believe that my girl is getting bullied, because of me?
it's absolutely horrible and basically all my fault. i just want to be able to know everything she's thinking so i can make her better, more like happier.
i miss her beautiful smile and happy voice, but all i see is a hurt and broken girl. i just miss her.
i walk back into the room and see that she's peacefully still asleep.
shes so adorable when she does that.
i take the note and throw it away then just lay back down with her until she wakes up.
