Dear diary,
I knew I was right about them planning against me. I hate them and I hope something happens to them. No, I don't regret wishing something bad, maybe it will happen to me too and then I'll be happy. Xylene tried to help me but I just ignored her, she is exactly like everyone in this hell.
The memory of what happened is still fresh, yet I still need to tell someone about it. But when I try I start to cry. You see I thought I would have seen cruel people that they would find enjoyment from others pain. I can't wait for they when I get to leave from here, and watch them all be happy.
Xylene, just hearing or reading her name makes me feel happy. I have never liked anyone. So I don't know the exact feeling I have for her, maybe its just because she is the first one to actually try to get to know me. Or maybe its because she is nice to me but I want to know exactly what this is that I'm feeling. I hope she doesn't return my feelings because when I'm gone she is going to be the only heartbroken, but maybe she'll move on quickly.
I imagine how my life would be if I was loved by everyone, I think I would be happier than what I am now. Just thinking about that I wonder if I was meant to be in this life. I always think about how I'm suppose to be in a different life one were I'm happy and I don't have to be scared. Suho talked to me today all he told me was how he regretted his decision about befriending me. I just faked a smiled and told him that the feelings are mutual. I miss the old friends I had before, but once they found out about my family and the problems I go through they started to ignore me.
I cry myself to sleep wondering what I did for them to hate me. We used to say no matter what we will always be together, yet they still broke that promise. It hurts to know that the people you used to tell everything to just back stab you like that. I guess I never saw how they changed towards me. First, they told me that I was to fat, then that my dancing was terrible, etc.
That's it I'm going to do I don't care anymore. Everyone would be happy if I did it anyway. I'll tell you what happens because I hear foot step coming towards my room.
- Zhang Yixing
P.S. I actually did it may-------
Side note: I just found Yixing unconscious I'm going to take him to the hospital - Xylene
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Outcast (Zhang Yixing)
FanfictionHe was known as the weirdo, loser etc. He tried to fit in he thought he was alone. Yixing suffers from depression and anorexia. He thought he had no one until she came along but not everyone gets a happy ending do they? Live the life of Zhang...
