Miserable at Best (Sequel to Our Never Ending Melody) (NateWantsToBattle)

Chapter 24

I'm not sure if Nate is still here or not. He may have gone out with Brett, but I am fairly certain that he's still here.

He kidnapped our daughter a while ago, to put her to bed, and I think he, himself, went to bed. I don't blame him. He looked out of it, when I got home.

Him sleeping now, will help a lot. He won't be cranky tomorrow.. Or he might.. At this time, there's no telling how he'll act.

I walk into our room, immediately stopping myself from speaking.

Nate is indeed sleeping.

He was on his back, slightly sitting up, uncomfortably slouched against the wooden prongs of the backboard of our bed.

I was about to question why he was sleeping like that, until I see that our daughter, was asleep on her stomach, on her fathers chest. She was buried in a receiving blanket.

That's really cute! My boyfriend is fucking adorable when he naps, and our daughter is just as cute when she is napping.

I want to take a picture of this, an post it on Instagram, but I feel if I do, he'll wake up. Even when he's sleeping, he knows when someone is taking pictures of him.

Come to think of it, I don't really know why he is actually allowing himself to sleep on his back. He hates it. I guess he was willing to lay like that, knowing our daughter will sleep if she's not in her bed.

But, I want him to get some sleep. I should put her in her bed. I'm just scare, that if I take her, she'll wake up and freak out.

... She is due for her feeding soon.

Taking a deep breath, I gently take our daughter off of her father chest. As soon as I did that, he woke with a little jump. I scared him.. Whoops.

Watching my boyfriend blink a couple times, I keep our daughter to my chest, hoping she wouldn't wake up. Nate rolled onto his side, looking at me.

"Sorry, Babe." I whisper, knowing I woke him. "I didn't mean to wake up."

He closed his eyes for a moment, burying his face in his pillow. "I wasn't actually sleeping. She was with me." He told me with a yawn, as I get into the bed.

It feels good to finally lie down, after being out all day.

He was silently for a moment, as I covered myself in the blanket.

"You okay?" I ask him calmly.

"Hmm?" He looked over. "Yeah, darlin' I'm fine."

With a small sigh, I keep my gaze on him.

"Why?" He asked.

"I've noticed you aren't eating much of anything lately. You're starving yourself. You're having Minnie blackouts, and you keep falling, like you're losing your balance."

He looked at me, moving his hair away from his eyes.

"I'm okay, Morgan. Maybe just over tired. I haven't actually had much sleep since Briar was born."

"Yeah.. Same." I sigh with a laugh.

"Even before Briar was born, I never slept when Hunter and I stayed in the hotel. " He murmured quietly. "But that isn't you're fault.. It's just me overthinking my life."

"Overthinking your life?" I ask him.

He decided to lie down again, staying on his side. He was facing me though.

"When we were on Break, and I was in the hotel... I actually wished I was never alive. I hoped that the guy who robbed me, would've killed me. I was hoping that, on the night I was a unable to drive to Lancaster, I'd pass out and never wake up. Even when that accident happened... I remember lying there on the road, hoping the car crash would end me. After I found out Hunter never made it, I wished that I never lived." He started quietly.

I remain silent, actually feeling his pain. I wanted to say something to him, but I know he wasn't finished speaking.

"I'm not sure why, but in the back of my mind... Suicide was an option."

He then turned to me with a faint smile. "But that was then. I haven't had a thought like that in a long time. I did was I needed to clear my mind of those things, and I'm okay.. I don't feel as if I'm suffering. I have no reason to suffer. I've got you, and Briar." He finished.

He ALWAYS does this! He starts talking about something serious, then blows it off, passing it off as something stupid.

"You look tired, Nate." I tell him, brushing his hair away from his eyes.

"I feel okay." He looked down.

"The way you feel, doesn't fix the way you look." I tell him. "Get some sleep, please."

"Sure, if it'll make ya feel better."

My mind wandered as he settled himself.

Why, when we had our split, did he suffer?

When we split, I was okay. I found out I was Pregnant, then spent the 6 months, forgetting about what I did wrong.

Nate, when we split, went through a living hell. Chased down by his ex, robbed by an actual rapist on the streets of Burbank, and caused an accident that wasn't even his fault. He had a death wish this entire time.

Even after that fatal accident, Nate wanted to end his life. He THOUGHT about Suicide, he said.

I wonder if he was lying, and he still thinks that...

Is it possible?

Could he possibly still want to commit suicide?

Is it that obvious?