Miserable at Best (Sequel to Our Never Ending Melody) (NateWantsToBattle)

Chapter 2

Nate isn't himself anymore.

Ever since I left him nine months ago, he's been different. I heard about everything he went though, and I can't even imagine what it was like for him. I heard he was on the streets for the first two days of our break..

I think he's a little traumatized.. Everything that happened..

I don't blame him..

Hunter's death ended him.

He blames himself, yet it not's his fault.

The quiet whines of the baby feeding snapped me from my thoughts.

I had her up on my chest, covered by a blanket.

I decided before I met Nate at the graveyard, that our child would be breast feed, until I feel like switching her over. I went over it with Nate before the baby was born, and he was completely okay with it.

I was sitting in our bed, my back against the backboard. Slouching slightly, I had the baby propped up, so she could feed.

Nate was silently lying beside me, on his side, buried in our blanket, with his face somwhat buried in his pillow. His eyes were open, but his dull gaze was barely focused on my side. He was awake, but for some reason, he chooses to stay silent.

Honestly, I'm okay with it. He's being silent, and I'm sure he's thinking.. He's been like this for three months, and I feel really bad for him.

I wish he never blamed himself for Hunter's death.

Yes, the accident happened. Yes, Nate was driving. But, No! It wasn't Nate's fault. Hunter distracted him. I'm not blaming Hunter either. In fact, I'm not blaming anyone. It's no one's fault.

Briar started crying, from anger, which caused Nate to lift his head quietly. "Is she okay?" He asked, blinking from the light.

"Yes, she's just mad.. She's having trouble feeding." I say to him.

"The nurse said, it will be difficult for her to latch for the first few days." He mumbled quietly, shaking his head slowly, to move his hair away from his eyes.

"I know." I say to him, "but I'm tired." I add.

"She won't take that long." He murmured.

"I know." I sigh.

Not even 10 minutes after Nate said that, Briar was done with what she was doing. I waited another 10 minutes, to ensure she was in a deep sleep, before I put her in her bassinet.

Shutting the lamp off, I go over to his side shutting his lamp off. I'm not surprised he left it on, and upon closer exaimination on him, he's guarding himself.. He's on his stomach... With his right arm, covering his face. What's he doing??

I decide to curl up under the covers. I was tempted to say something to Nate, but I'm sure in the 20 minutes, I was sitting with the baby, he fell asleep.

I want him to sleep. He needs to sleep. I need to sleep.

But the thing is, if he's sleeping, I feel as if I have to stay awake... Correction, if he is sleeping, I want to stay awake.

He's not in the right mind set, I can tell. The first night he was home, he was tossing and turning, and the night the baby was born, he was still tossing about.

I was this strange feeling, that if he wakes up, he'll freak out. He'll remember something from his 6 months on the streets, and panic.

I need to get him help. Maybe he needs to talk to someone who isn't me..

Either way, he needs to talk to someone..

Before it's too late.