Herbs and Spices // snowbaz

rosebud boy

"Are you Simon Snow?"

"Uh... yeah," Simon had never seen the woman standing in front of him before, yet she sparked something in him. Vague resemblance to someone he knew? Intimidation as he took in her serious demeanour? He couldn't put his finger on it. 

She smiled gently at him and placed an envelope down onto the table in front of him, "I found this envelope addressed to you in the Mage's personal items after he had died, and I've been looking for you ever since." 

Simon forced his face to remain blank, only letting confusion paint wide brushstrokes across his features. Keeping his face impassive at the mention of the Mage's death was the only way to try and convince himself it wasn't his fault. 

"Oh," Simon's shoulders slackened, "Do you know what it is?"

"I would guess it's a letter," the woman said gently, almost like she didn't want to startle him. He didn't blame her. "I'll give you space to read it. It was nice to meet you, Simon."

Simon replied too late, distracted by the letter, "yeah you too," he said, unaware that she was already out of earshot. 

His hand reached out tentatively to grasp the corner of the envelope, treating it like it was going to grow fangs and bite him. He held it in front of him, his fingers tracing the unfamiliar handwriting printed on the front, that read, 'Simon Snow.'

He released a breath he didn't realise he had been holding and slid a finger underneath the corner to break the sealed paper. His hands shook gently as he began to read. 

Simon, 
I can't imagine what you're feeling... what you've been feeling for all the years I haven't been there. When we decided to have you, I knew it would end in my downfall, but I knew I wouldn't want to go any other way. Having you, meant bringing happiness to Davy, it meant giving him everything he wanted, and it meant that my life for you would live on, even if I couldn't. 

Simon, my Rosebud boy. My beautiful son. You may not know much about me, but you were the most important part of my life. Everything I had, I wanted to give to you. I hope that whenever you find this letter that you're happy. I have hidden this among Davy's things, hoping one day it will reach you. If he knew I was writing to you he would say I wasn't being optimistic, he always believed I would make it through the pregnancy. I knew I wouldn't. Please, just be happy, that's all I could ever ask for. 

Please don't blame Davy, for putting an obscene amount of pressure on you. 'The Mage's Heir', he called you. The saviour of all Mages who had been prophesised. To him, you would save the world; but that doesn't mean he didn't love you. To me, you were my Simon, my Rosebud boy. I never ever wanted to leave you. Please know I would've given everything to see you grow. To be there for you through everything you had to face. 

I couldn't love you more Simon Snow. 
My beautiful Rosebud boy.

Simon read it twice. Then again. And then once more. His eyes scanned the delicate handwriting that sometimes appeared distorted as though the woman, his mother, had been crying when she had written it. His own tears splotched onto the paper and he shut them to quieten everything he was feeling. His mother. She had written to him. Had loved him, had wanted him. And his father... Davy, she had hidden it in his things, the Mage's Heir, everything he couldn't ever admit that he hoped for about his relationship with the Mage was under fire. Knowing he was dead now, and at Simon's command, he couldn't think the words. That the Mage was Davy, that he was Simon's - he couldn't think it without completely breaking down. 

Simon suddenly gasped, letting the letter fall back onto the table in front of him. Rosebud boy. He had heard that before. He had been half asleep when the Veil was still open and a woman had spoken to him, back in his Watford dormitory. He had thought it was Baz's mother, desperate to see her son, desperate for Simon to deliver her message. But she had called him her 'Rosebud boy', he had even told Baz that. 

It hadn't been Baz's mother. It had been his. 

The thought knocked all the air out of his lungs and a new wave of tears spilt down his cheeks. If only he had realised, had sat up and looked, had seen his mother. Maybe she would've been there, maybe she would've been able to stay, even just for a moment. 

Simon had never felt longing like he did now, not when he had lived in the orphanage, not when he had wanted to be free of the Humdrum and his magical destiny. This longing was strong, with a vice grip around his heart that tightened and loosened until he felt breathless. 

He gazed at the letter, wanting the words to imprint into his mind and never leave him. 

He hastily, but carefully, folded it back into the envelope and put it in his bag. He was desperate to get home, ravenous to be with Baz. To be with Penny. To share his letter with the two people who knew his longing as well as he did. 

He had always been loved, by his mother, by Penny. Idolised and prophesised by the Mages. Longed for by Baz, and hated by Baz, and then loved by Baz. Understood by Agatha. He had never been alone, and he never wanted to be. 

*******************

"Baz? Penny?" Simon barely recognised his voice as it shakily rang out in the apartment, and then Baz was there, right by his side. 

"Snow? What's wrong? You look... shaken," Baz took him gently by the shoulders and steered him to sit on the couch, and Simon gazed at him and smiled. 

"I am shaken, but it's good shaken. Where is Penny?" He found his voice sounding desperate, and he was. Desperate to share the letter with the both of them.

"I'm here, I'm here," she said, strolling into the room, a book tucked under one arm, as she reached the other hand down to push her glasses from the top of her head to sit on the bridge of her nose, "What's going on, Simon?"

Now he had no idea where to start, "Letter, parents, a woman. Rosebud boy." 

Baz and Penelope both blinked at him, and Baz almost laughed, "I'm sorry Snow, we don't speak idiot. You're going to have to translate that for us."

"A woman I didn't know came up to me today-"

"Woah stranger danger," Baz smirked and Simon fixed a glare on him.

"Shut the fuck up Basil, listen to me," Baz's eyebrows arched upwards but he waved a hand to say 'continue', and so Simon did, "A woman I didn't know came up to me, and she had this letter. She said she found it in the Mage's belongings and that it was addressed to me."

He paused and both Penelope and Baz nodded their listening.
"But it wasn't from the Mage, it was from... my mother."

Chaos erupted, with both Penelope and Baz staggering and stammering over words until he put his hands up to silence them. And then he reached in to get the letter out and gave it to Baz who opened it and paused before reading it out loud, flicking his eyes to Simon's face to make sure he was okay with his reading it aloud and Simon nodded.

Baz read, and with it came tears and shock and happiness, as Penny sat next to Simon and wrapped her arms around the orphaned boy next to her. She had always known his life had been tragic, to be prophesised, to believe you're an orphan, to have a parent so close for most of your life but to never know that he was your father, and then to get a letter that proved you had been wanted all along. It was painful, but it was joyful.

The three young adults embraced in a hug they knew only occurred for occasions when everything else felt minuscule and ridiculous to convey their love for each other. Simon had been given what he hadn't known he had longed for all his life, and although it was painful and it ripped him apart to know the Mage had never... he'd never... expressed himself the way Simon wanted him too, he knew this letter had made him so unbelievably happy. 

With the two people he cared about wrapped around him in the warmest embrace he could imagine, he sighed happily, almost hearing his mother's voice, "My Rosebud Boy." 

**************************

The ending's a bit shit, but other than that I'm proud of this. I always found myself so sad that no one figured out that Lucy and Davy were his parents, so here's this letter that makes me sad for Simon. 

Thanks for reading, give it a vote and comment what you liked (if you liked anything). And maybe request a story for any of the characters! I always run out of ideas so it's always welcome.