My Rockstar || (n.j.)

Chapter 18

"We should talk to the other kids about this." Nick says to me.

"We can't put him in a hospital Nick."

"He knows that he needs help Katy, and he agreed to this. It's only for a couple days he'll be fine baby." He put his hands on my shoulders, looking into my eyes.

"I really hope he'll be okay." I said softly, my bottom lip quivering.

"Me too. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to him, or any of the kids." His lips landed on mine slowly and I kissed him, putting my arms around him. My lips brushed his neck before putting my face into his chest.

"You can do this honey. If I can, you can." He kissed the top of my head and we went into the living room, all the kids except for Austin on the couch.

"Kids, your father and I need to talk to you." Nick turned the tv off and sat on the plush, white chair. I sat myself on the arm of it, Nick's hands folded in front of him. All three of them looked at us with wide, interested eyes.

"Your brother...Austin, he's developed some issues." Nick started out for me, and I wasn't sure if I could even get another word into this conversation.

"He...tried to kill himself yesterday." I said quietly, swallowing hard. They all looked at me in shock.

"Why? Do I need to beat someone up? Because I will." Kane stood up, looking ready to fight. My husband put his hand up.

"Sit down, no one did this to him. But please don't say anything to him. All you can do is be there for him, alright? He just needs time and all we can do is be there to listen." Nick said to the kids. Aster was oblivious to this, but I could see she was thinking about what we were saying. Lexi looked speechless. By this time, I was crying, and wiping at my eyes carefully.

"Why're you crying mom?" Lexi asked, cocking her head to the side and looking at me.

"Kids. I'm going to tell you something, and I really want you to think about it." I wasn't sure if I should have my eight year old child hearing this, but luckily Nick could figure out my thought process. He nodded and put his hand on my thigh comfortingly.

"When I was about Kane's age, I did the same thing Austin did. My life seemed to be unbearable at that point, and all I wanted was for the pain of my anxiety and depression to go away. I knew I couldn't, when I was-" I got cut off my tears that wouldn't let me go on.

"Aster, sweetie, could you go upstairs and play please?" My husband asked our youngest child. She nodded and kissed my cheek before hopping up the stairs.

"When I was holding that knife to my throat, I thought to myself. I could have a family and a husband someday. Who cares what my step mother said, who cares that I told myself I was worthless every day. If I could have a husband someday, and I believed that, then I had a reason to be on this earth other then to just breathe the air." Tears fell down my face at a continuous rate. I sucked it up and took a deep breath, wiping the tears away. I looked the kids in the eyes, smiling softly.

"I don't want you guys to ever go through that. I wasn't planning on telling you guys this soon, or ever. The only person I've told is your father and I am forever grateful that he kept it only between the two of us. I don't want either of you to feel like your life needs to end on your own accord. If you ever feel anything like that, you need to tell us. We can get it you help, it is possible." Lexi then raised her hand slowly, and Nick's hand was rubbing up and down my thigh to calm me down.

"What is it honey?"

"Was your step mom mean?" I looked up at the ceiling to keep myself from crying again. I took on a deep breath and then looked at my daughter.

"Very much so. She did things I could never imagine doing to any of you kids no matter how mad I got. My dad was too wrapped up in his love for her to care about how I felt about his wife. And I hope that if your father and I ever did split that if he found someone else that he'd be respectful to all of you and he'd take you into consideration. Same with me."

"Did she ever hurt you?" Kane piped up. I almost wished he didn't, but I had started this conversation and could just back out now. I looked at my husband for some sort of clarification it was okay.

"Let me get the other two, and get comfy, then we can all sit in here and have a family discussion."

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