Mirror (Completed)

Kabanata 7

Test

Ibinigay niya ang libro sa akin na kakatapos lang niyang tignan kung tama ang naisagot ko o hindi. Isinara ko agad ang libro. Sa bahay ko na titignan...

Nagbuklat siya muli ng isa pang libro at ibinigay sa akin. He explain everything in that book, patango tango lamang ako mas inaaral ang kanyang mukha kaysa sa nakasaad sa libro.

His voice is so attractive. When his eyes diverted from the book to my face, I immediately look at the book to avoid his eyes so that he won't read what's on my mind.

"So.. what then?" Tanong ko upang panindigan ang pagpapanggap ko na kanina pa nakikinig.

He heaved a sigh. This is bad. It feels like he is inhaling my whole body and soul.

Paano nga ba nagsimula ang lahat? Nagkamali ata ako ng desisyon but then I can't back out from this. He's my only hope. Our test is coming next week before the prom.

Hawak ang resulta ng test ay hindi ko maitago ang luha ko at ang pagkirot ng puso ko. I failed once again. Paanong nangyari ito? Nag review ako ng nag review but still... I failed. I failed my mom and dad. I failed myself.

Itinapon ko ang test result ko bago tumakbo papunta sa banyo. Pinagtitinginan ako ng mga estudyante, iniisip siguro na baliw ako dahil kanina pa ako umiiyak.

Ang phone ko sa bulsa ay kanina pa nagri ring. Pumasok ako sa cubicle sa banyo at inilabas ang phone sa bulsa.

Napuno ako ng takot ng mabasa ang pangalan na itinala ko doon.

Dad.

Hindi ko isinagot ang tawag at hinayaan na tumunog ng tumunog iyon.

Sa cubicle na iyon ay binuhos ko lahat ng iyak ko. Paano ako babawi? Even if I try so hard I can't reach the goals I want to meet.

Hindi ako umattend ng klase at nagkulong lamang sa cubicle na iyon. Ilang oras ako sa loob bago nag desisyon na lumabas na.

I feel so empty and tired even if I didn't do anything.

Pinaghirapan ko ang pag re-review. I skip meals and sleep but then, it's not enough. It not enough.

Nag vibrate ang phone kaya tinignan ko ang mensahe doon.

Dad

Why are you not answering? How's your test? You failed again? Vannah got the highest score. I want you to be like her. I don't want a second place. I want my two daughter to be the best doctor.

Napalunok ako ng mabasa ang mensahe at kumalabog ang puso ko sa kaba. Im a second placer... I always failed them.

"Are you okay?" napa angat ang ng tingin at nakita si Tyron. May mga hawak siyang papers at bag. Mukhang pauwi na.

Pinaangat ko ang dalawang gilid ng labi ko at tumango. "Yes. Im alright." even if I want to explode inside.

Tumango tango siya. "How's your test? Got your result already?"

He hit it right on the spot. Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi ko kasabay ng pagyuko ko.

"I see..." He sound so worried. "Where's your test paper? Let me see..." aniya na tila alam na alam na iyon ang dahilan ng pamamaga ng mga mata ko.

"I-Im sorry. I need to go home." humakbang ako ng isang beses ngunit nahinto din ng magsalita siya.

"You throw your test result." binaling ko sa kabilang direksyon ang mukha ko. "What's wrong with your test result?"

Kahit sabihin ko sakanya hindi niya maiintindihan. Walang nakakaintindi sa akin even my parents. They can't accept that my IQ is just like this.

"Excuse me." wika ko at tumakbo na palayo sakanya hindi na siya binigyan ng pagkakataon na magsalita pa.

After that hindi ako nakapasok. Hindi ko kaya. It feels like even if I try so hard I will never meet my parents goal that they set for me.

"Mia..." a voice of my grandma snaps me out of my depressed reverie.

I sat down on my bed and immediately wipe my tears. "Yes, Grandma?" Ang boses ko ay halos kainin ko papasok dahil sa barado kong ilong na dulot ng pag iyak.

"Not going to school?" She asked worrying. Sunod sunod akong umiling. "I think Im sick." sagot ko at suminghot singhot pa.

She look at me disbelief of what I said. Lumapit siya sa akin at agad na naupo sa gilid ng kama ko. She place her palms on my forehead checking my temperature.

She narrowed her eyes while looking at me. "You're hiding something.. Did someone bully you at school?" sunod sunod akong umiling at mapait na ngumiti. She sigh because of my reactions.

"Get up and go down. Someone's looking for you." Napakunot ang noo ko at inisip kung sino iyon dahil wala naman akong kilala dito bukod kay Tyron.

"Tell him Im still asleep." Bilin ko kay Grandma.

"Tell me what?" napalingon ako agad sa pintuan ng may sumulpot doon. It's Tyron. Nanatili akong tahimik. Tumayo si Grandma at naglakad palabas ng kwarto.

"I'll leave the both of you." aniya bago tuluyan na nawala sa paningin ko.

Naka cross sa harap ng dibdib ni Tyron ang kanyang mga braso. He looks so intimidated. She stands with full of authority telling everyone around him that he should be respected.

Umayos ako ng upo at nag indian seat. Sinuri niya ang mukha ko at napakunot ang noo niya.

I check every corner of my face if there's something that should be remove. "How are you?" he asked and the moment that word spreads from his mouth I cry. Mabilis akong tumaob sa kama at doon nag iiyak. Naramdaman ko ang palad niya sa likod ko.

It's the first time I encounter someone who ask me if I'm okay with full of care and worried voice.

Umiyak ako ng ilang oras at hindi niya ako iniwan sa mga oras na iyon. Instead he comforted me.

Nang nailabas ko ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko sa pamamagitan ng pagluha ko ay hinarap kong muli siya.

I tell him my story. And while trying to let someone know about it I feel pathetic but at the same time it feels like a hollow inside of me lift a little bit.

"-I was not the role daughter model that they want.. So they never pay attention on me. In their life, I am always the last. And will always be the last. Because the test result made me think that I will never really reach that goal that they want from me. It was my hardest." I paused to gasps for air. "It was my best. I really try hard that time." Inalo niya ako at sinubukan na tahanin.

"That test was just the first one. There will be a lot of test that will come. If you give up now then you'll really lose. Will that be okay with you? Are you gonna let yourself lose?" Nakagat ko ang loob ng bibig ko.

"That was not the first test.. And in every test I always lose." sagot ko sakanya.

"Count your failures and take that as a learning lessons. Don't aim for your lose. Maybe you did not try your hardest, maybe it's not your best. Look... Next test... You can perfect it. I'll help you." I am hopeless and hearing him saying those words I never heard before saying by anyone was like a magic hope to my ears.