Literature

infinity times infinity

"Mr. Malik," a girl squeaks. "Why don't you like John Green?"

"It isn't that I don't respect him as an author, he deserves a lot of credit. There's literary merit in his works, he's just so predictable."

"As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once."

"That isn't how people fall in love," I argue. "When you fall in love you plummet full speed and don't look back."

"My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations."

"That line strikes me so hard," she sniffles.

"There are two good lines from the whole book," I scoff.

"Do you care to share those with us?"

"The marks humans leave are too often scars" and "what a slut time is, she screws everybody."

He chuckles as he writes something on the board. The first thing I noticed when I walked into class today was him squinting at his computer screen without glasses on. It made me laugh because how can you forget your glasses?

The one word that sticks out to me on the board is infinity.

"If you can't tell, today we're going to discuss infinity as a theme. Some of you are probably asking so what? Who the hell cares about infinity in respect to literature? Frankly, I don't have an answer. We were supposed to discuss Emily Dickinson today but the woman is bat shit crazy and I don't like her poems. I'm the teacher so screw it. We're talking about forever."

Laughter erupts in the room as he doodles on the board. To be honest, he's quite skilled at art. He draws some planets and the moon, switching up the colors of the markers.

"Let's talk about the moon for a hot second. I love the moon. It's always so comforting and constant. Thoughts on the moon."

"Its cratered," someone points out.

"Fascinating observation," he replies sarcastically. "I'm looking for something a little more in depth."

"It never betrays you."

"What was that Styles?"

"Like you said, it stays up in the night sky illuminating even the darkest shadows. It wans and waxes but never changes form. I mean sometimes it's full and sometimes it looks like a fingernail-"

"A crescent," he smiles.

"Yeah that," I smirk. "When the sun abandons us the moon is quick to give us guidance."

"The sun doesn't abandon us," some girl chides. "The sun is way better than the moon. It makes your skin tan and highlights your hair."

"Um no, it causes cancer and burns up innocent flowers."

"Simmer down," he chortles. "I appreciate the enthusiasm but let's just agree that the sun and the moon balance each other out, yeah? There isn't one without the other. Light and dark, good and bad. You know how it goes."

"Why are we talking about this again?"

"Because I said so. I can give you an essay."

Everyone groans as he gives a lopsided grin.

"Since it's a Friday I'll hold off on that. I'm sure a lot of you have plans to read this weekend though, right?"

I roll my eyes at his stupid joke and he sends me a quick look as of to say I saw that. I shiver that he even picked up on it.

"Write something about infinity or the universe in general, I don't care actually. Just jot down something and put it on my desk. I'm not really feeling it today and I can't see shit."

People cheer and quickly slap some sentences on paper, rushing to get out early. Their faces are filled with joy and eagerness about parties and busy plans.

"You can leave too you know."

"What's the rush? We're literally talking about infinity. It isn't like I have plans."

"What did you write about today Harry?"

I hand him my notebook and his nose scrunches, his eyes narrowing to read my handwriting.

"You have very nice penmanship," he notes.

my body inhabits
the ugliest planets
but my mind wanders
the universe

"Lovely, as always." His finger hovers over the corner of the page. "May I?"

"Of course."

He turns the page, his eyes straining to read every letter.

"What's this?"

"A song."

"I like it a lot."

"Sun by Sleeping At Last."

With golden string
our universe was clothed in light
Pulling at the seams,
our barren world now brims with life
that we may fall in love
every time we open up our eyes,
I guess space, and time,
takes violent things, angry things
and makes them kind
Infinity times infinity times infinity times infinity
Let there be light,
let me be right

"I thought you preferred the moon."

"I do. It's easy to find solace in the darkness."

He hums in agreement and his knuckles graze across mine as he reaches to turn another page. It makes the hairs on my arm bristle. Electricity shoots through me and creeps up my chest. My heart swells and I pray he can't hear it pounding. I'm terrified of this feeling.

My heart hiccups and his eyes lock with mine. He hasn't moved his hand. Why hasn't he moved his damn hand? Am I sweating? Holy shit, I'm sweating like a sinner in church.

Now my heart climbs up my ribs like a ladder.

My spine feels tight as I sit up straighter in my chair. I keep waiting for him to break the silence.

"I'd very much like to see you in the moonlight, the light catching on your cheekbones, dabs of white on your Cupid's bow and the tip of your nose. But I'm torn Harry, because the warmth of the sun on your skin also brings a pleasant image to my mind."

I study the sweep of his mouth and the softness in his caramel eyes and my heart clatters at it hits the ground.

"What happened to your glasses," I inquire.

"Broke them," he laughs.

"Ever heard of contacts?"

"I don't want to touch my eyeball. It creeps me out."

"Fair enough. Today's lesson was shit by the way."

"Mmhmm and what makes you think I care about your opinion?" My jaw snaps closed as I think of a savage remark.

"I'm your favorite student."

"You have a lot to learn Harry."

My thumb swipes over his hand and my heart betrays my brain as I breathe out "maybe you can teach me."

"I think you should go now. Don't do anything too stupid this weekend and I'll see you on Monday, yeah?"

"Yeah," I mutter. "I hope you get some new glasses."

And I walk out like nothing happened between us.