Literature

blue skies and golden eyes

"Harry, I'm sorry."

"For what babe?"

He frowns and draws me into his arms. It's our last day and we both agreed watching the sunset on the shore would be the best way to spend it.

"This trip was a disaster. We should have gone to Greece or the Maldives or something. Somewhere more exotic," he adds with a chuckle.

His fingers run through my damp hair and I hum in agreement.

"More importantly, I'm sorry about Mason. I didn't think-"

"It's fine," I snap. "I don't want to talk about him."

"Okay." He whispers so softly his words get carried in the wind. I feel his body stiffen and I scramble to apologize but he reads my mind. "It isn't your fault. I should have never texted him back."

"That's in the past now."

He lets out an exasperated sigh and the sun does the same, sighing as it dips off into the horizon.

It's golden for a moment, the sun glinting on the rippling waves. Golden, glimmering rays of light and tan skin pressed against mine.

My eyes meeting his.

Golden eyes, set aglow.

He catpures my lips, his hands locking behind my neck, tugging at my dark brown coils. The sun is still warm on my skin. He's warm. My heart is warm. Even the sand looks golden, in between my toes.

His breath is warmer still, ghosting against my skin.

"I'm so in love."

I am too, my breath getting caught in my throat. Zayn has a freckle in his eye that I'm all too familiar with and dark unkept brows and a jawline I could slice my finger on.

His heart is made of gold.

"I've hurt you before Harry.

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay

Robert Frost. Making my heart sink to the bottom of my chest. Like plunging deep into the ocean, into the deep dark abyss.

Where wrecked ships are indistinguishable and unfamiliar creatures roam the ocean floor.

It's pitch black and the pressure is unbearable. And it's golden up there, at the surface. I'm trying to reach it but my oxygen tank is running out and my chest is so tight I want to explode.

Save me. Save me. Save me.

"Harry," he rubs my back soothingly. "Why are you crying love? It's alright. Shhhh."

But I can't. Sobs rack my body. I'm drowning in my tears and swimming in my thoughts and I can't fucking breathe.

This is surely how he felt when Mason let go, when he let him sink lower into the water. When he was gasping for air and screaming at the top of his lungs but he walked away. He left and I had to dive in for him.

Will he do the same for me?

"Harry, Harry, Harry," his arms wrap tighter around me, his soft lips finding the crook of my neck.

The sun has set. The golden tint has faded and the sky is growing dark.

I shiver as he kisses my jaw, my spine tingling.

...

"Hey Li, what's up?"

"We miss you. When are you coming home?"

"We're packing right now."

"Oh...I need to speak to you in private."

I glance over at Zayn. He's humming a tune, his nimble fingers folding shirts and tucking things into the suitcase. I slip out of the room and keep my voice low.

"What's wrong?"

"Mason is transferring. He was getting his doctorate at Oxford but he's switching mate. I swear!"

I exhale slowly, my fists clenching. I squeeze my eyelids shut and struggle to find words, finally stammering out one.

"Cambridge?"

"I'm sure Zayn doesn't know. He couldn't."

"Thanks for letting me know Liam. I'll see you soon."

"Of course Haz."

I'm not sure what to think when I end the call.

All I know is nothing gold can stay. Warm hearts turn cold and darkness replaces the sun and-

"Harry," he startles me. His arms wrap around me and he chuckles. "You ready love?"

"Yeah," I reply shakily. He kisses my cheek and carries my bag. My heart is thudding in my chest.

I can't go to New York now and let Mason steal Zayn from me.

"He's going to Cambridge," I blurt. I feel nauseated, like I'm going to vomit, my stomach churning.

"What," he knits his brows together, perplexed. "Mason?"

I swallow the lump in my throat and nod, unable to form letters into sentences.

"Did you know Zayn? Tell me you didn't."

"What do you mean Harry? Are you crazy?"

"Do you think I'm making this up? Don't fucking lie to me," I say through gritted teeth. "I'm tired of this."

"Of what? When have I ever lied to you?"

There's rage in his eyes that I've never seen. An anger so intense and unwavering I stumble back. My body trembles but he moves closer, his brows still furrowed, the veins popping in his neck.

"Do you think I would hide things from you Harry?"

"I...I don't know," I reply hoarsely. "You're scaring me Zayn."

"No," he whispers.

"What?"

"No. No, no, no," his eyes sear into mine and soften at the edges. "I said I wouldn't do this. I said I wouldn't hurt you again, I-"

His thumb swipes over my wrist, where my scars have faded under the sun.

"Am I going to lose you? Harry," he gasps for air. "Please don't leave me. Don't be like him, don't," his voice cracks. "Maybe I've always been a monster. Maybe I'm the reason he left. I hate this. I hate myself."

I pull him into my arms, terrified of what is running through his mind.

"I'm not going anywhere Zayn. You know I love you."

All I can do is hope that my words are comforting; some sort of consolation.

But I've learned words can't heal all wounds.

A/N: short chapter but major shit is coming