Literature

sedatives and loose leaf paper

he is
the sun
and i stare
up at him
longingly
waiting
for a
glimpse
to shine
down
on me
but
all i do
is go
blind

now
i hate
the sun
and prefer
shadows

he cracked
the code,
deciphered
my heartbeats
and every
staggered
breath

"Spilling your heart on loose leaf paper?"

I smile up at him, realizing I've lost track of time again.

maybe
the night
is fractured
and the
stars are
shivering

"Why are they so depressing today Harry?"

I shrug, chewing on the cap of my pen.

"That's a bad habit you know."

"So is smoking but you're getting better. I just need time," I huff dramatically.

"Okay," he chuckles. "Suppose you're right, chewing a pen cap won't slowly kill you."

"Zayn," I say hesitantly.

"Yes love?"

"I was thinking about storms."

"Storms," he confirms.

"They let us know that sometimes the sky needs to scream. Sometimes though people say something took them by storm, like they're raptured. Storms are usually referred to in a literal sense but what about the storm that rages inside of me? What about the electric lightning I feel? And the rain inside my heart?"

His knuckles graze over mine as his soft amber eyes meet my face.

"Why does it rain in your heart babe?"

"It hasn't since I met you but it still storms. It storms when you touch me."

His hand caresses my cheek and my eyes close.

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way than this: where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."

Pablo Neruda again. He kills me everytime.

"You forgot the beginning babe. I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body."

"We're probably the only two people on Earth weird enough to memorize entire poems."

I just shrug and lean in to peck his lips.

"It isn't weird to me. It's one of the things we bond over."

I rip a page out of my notebook and crumple it up, aiming for the waste basket.

"What are you throwing away?"

"I'm discarding memories."

...

"Hey Harry."

Oh God.

"What do you want Sam?" Through gritted teeth.

I slam my locker door closed before turning to her, a cold expression on my face.

"I just wanted to apologize for the hateful things I said. I-"