Diary of a homo | PewdieCry

Dear Diary (6 of February 2014)

My body was aching from the beating, hurting from the rape. My tears were long dried on my cheeks, my skin as cold as snow because I was left alone here on the corner without any clothing or fabric to protect me or give me the warmth this world hasn't given to me.

Slowly and carefully, I push my body up with my weak and trembling arms, feeling each muscle of my skinny arms ache and beg me to lay still again. "C-C'mon on b-body.." I whisper through a sore throat and manage to sit on the floor. My father took the mattress away, saying that I didn't need those things. I scan the room I was in.

The walls dirty with old and rusty accessories threatening to fall to the floor at any second now. Dust covered the entire floor, except for the line that followed me to the corner, meaning that that was the path my father made while dragging me through his room. Beer bottles, cans and broken bottles were scattered around the room, the stuffing on pillows and what used to be his bed mattress scattered everywhere.

I put pressure on my hands and try lifting my quivering body, so that I'd stand as a normal human does. Once I manage to stand, I weakly wrap my arms around myself, wanting to find warmth in them. "I-It's o-okay.." I mumble and focus on balancing my weight on each foot as I slowly made my way out of this doomed room.

After a long, turtle-like, walk to my room, I fall to my knees and with my arms roam under my pillow. I touch the coldness of the surface of my diary and drag it towards me. Adverting my eyes around, I see my pen and reach for it. Opening my journal, I write my small sentence.

Dear Diary.

My father raped me again.

I close it, throw the pen away and look for my school bag. Once found it, I stuff my diary inside.

After a few seconds, darkness swallowed me, sending me to the land of dreams where I escaped from this rotten world.

~Two Days Later~

I quickly run out my house and jog over to the school checking my clock. 6:12am.

Yes, it is early, but I want to practise one more time alone before tonight's play. We're doing just a typical love story that our Drama teacher wrote. I was playing the villain, who his entire life, yearned to be loved back, and all he did, the pain and hurt he caused, was to protect the others in some way the others didn't see.

I enter by the back door and made my way through the empty hallways of the school to the theatre. I put my bag over the desk and walk up to the stage. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and start murmuring the words I had to say.

"Because there's nothing like true happiness in this world, nothing like love or hate.. We all fall part, but never find our way back! Look at all the peasants around you! If said loving God yearns to protect the weak, then why is there sickness? Why is there pain and hatred within this world?" I open my eyes and lift my arms up above my head. "Did he doom this world to hell? He did. Look at you!" I say, frowning at nobody "You yourself doomed us all around to hell." I hiss "Cant you hear how silence screams with it's breathless breaths the death of the sickened?"

I take a step forward and let the emotions overwhelm my body and mind, making me turn into the villain "But this will all be over soon.. I will find what you lost and make up what you broke." Clenching my jaw, I look up at the lights above the scenery "I'll make you all fall into an endless dream, one of a world of which I'll create for you all.." Lifting my hands I think of myself as a King. "A world where there won't be anything like suffer or hatred. Unnecessary feelings shall be destroyed of the world I'll create, of the world I'll rule."

Lowering my head, I slowly take my arms back to my sides and mutter "End, Act XII"

"That was awesome!" I hear a thick swedish voice say, followed by claps. I shrieked and stared wide eyed at Felix, the blonde I saw two days ago at school in Biology class. I blushed so much, that I thought it necessary to look down, pull my hood over my head, grab my bag and quickly walk away.

Is he mocking me? Am I that bad at acting?

"No, wait! I wasn't kidding! Seriously!" I hear footsteps following me and I start running. "Stop running from me!" I hear him yell. "Stop!" Felix yells. I instantly froze, reflexively throwing myself to the ground and crossing my arms over my face.

"Please don't h-hurt me!" I pleaded shakily.

"I won't hurt you.." He says and gently moves my arms away from my face. I blink a few times, a tear sliding down my cheek. He smiled sadly and ran his thumb over my cheek to clean my tear.

"Here, let me help you." He says. I stare at him while he helps me up, memorising every feature his face had. "There we go" He says and fixes my hood. His hand runs through my forehead, moving my brown bangs from my eyes.

"T-Thanks" I stutter.

Felix chuckles and pats my head "You're welcome bro.. By the way, that was a well played act back there."

"T-Thanks"

"Yesterday you didn't tell me you were in the Drama Club! Wait no, not yesterday, the day before.. Which reminds me, why did you skip yesterday? If you don't mind me asking.."

"O-Oh.. Uh.." I look around the empty hallway, looking for anything that would help me give away a lie. I see a zombie poster at the end of the corridor and instantly yell the word "Z-Zombies!" I scream. Felix arches a brow and smiles widely at me.

"Zombies? They attacked you?"

"Yeah! A lot of them!" I say giggling nervously. Felix laughs and ruffles my hair. "You're interesting, bro" I smile shyly, looking up at him "But, what were you doing here at school so early?" He asks me.

"Just wanting to practise the play." I said simply.

"When is it?"

"Tonight"

"Tonight? That's great! I'll be sure to come and see it.. Oh but I don't have money to buy a ticket.."

"I-It's free!" I instantly say. Felix chuckles and nods "Ok then it's settled! I'll come see you tonight at the play."

I nod excitedly when a question popped in my head, "And you? What are you doing here so early?"

"Oh, was just going to meet with some bros.." He shrugged sticking his hands in his pockets.

"Bros?"

"Yeah, Benjamin, Alesa, Jeremy, Bill and Lacey"

"T-The b-bullies?!"

"Bullies?" He asks, tilting his head to a side "They aren't bullies.. Theu are friendly, in fact they want me to join their circle."

"No, p-please don't." I begged. He stared at me confused.

"Felix!" I hear a cold feminine voice call. By the end of corridor, I saw a girl with green hair and ash eyes approaching us.

"Lacey!" Felix says happily and turns. I back away and make a run for it "W-Wait!" He yells after me, but I just keot running wishing to get away.

"Get away from me!" I scream, dashing through the hallway. I needn't to worry of crushing against someone because it was still early for anyone to come to school, so I just ran and ran without stopping until I found myself inside the Library.

"No.." I sobbed. I was one of the bullies targets, last thing I needed was being bullied by the one I like.

Yes, I met him two days ago, but I fell for him because of that strange laugh he has, because he looked sweet and caring.

".. Fuck .."