Is This Reality

Stop Fucking Around With My Emotions

"Aw they look so cute"

"Should we wake them up"

"Would Alan get mad"

"Nah. But we should leave so they can wake up soon"

The voices left and I stirred a little but didn't feel like getting up at the moment so I just laid here with my eyes shut.

"Go figure she is with Austin. I know your asleep right now but I really do have feelings for you. But you deserve better than me. Way better. I'm sorry I get so jealous. I just am afraid. Afraid your going to fall for someone else and forget about me. But Im going to prove it to you. That I am serious about you" he said and then he disappeared. I opened my eyes and turned to come face to chest with Austin.

"You know its so funny that I can look down at you" Austin said groggily. I laughed and stuck my tongue out at me. I tried to get up but he pulled me back down. "No. You can't leave until you admit that I am the hottest guy you know" and I rolled my eyes.

"Austin you are the hottest guy I know" I said and he let me go. Today was an off day and I didn't really know what we had planned. I got up and went to the front lounge and poured myself a bowl of fruity pebbles. I sat down and ate in silence as everyone else carried on a conversation. I didn't feel like talking today because today is the day two years ago that I left my old life behind.

*Flashback*

I walked in the house to see my mom and my sister in a screaming match in the living room. I don't need this today. I just walked in on my boyfriend cheating on me And now I have to break up a fight again. 

"Stop. Both of you. Stop" I said as I got in between them.

"Well I would not have to yell if this piece of shit would listen like she is supposed too" my mother said and my sister rolled her eyes.

"Are you serious right now? Fucking pathetic piece if shit you are. Did you tell her that I walked in on you smoking meth? Bet not. Did you tell her about you fucking around on her own boyfriend? Bet not. Because you are the worst mother anyone could have" my sister said and ran to her room.

What. The. Fuck.

"You fucked my boyfriend!? What the fuck. I don't give a shit if you had me when you were thirteen and we aren't that far apart. That is so shitty. And you do drugs again. Wow. Fuck you. Fuck him. I'm taking my sister and leaving. I'm leaving you and you can fend for yourself" I said and went to the room me and my sister share and told her to pack.

"We are leaving" I said and soon enough we were done. We walked out into the living room and I told my sister to take our stuff out to The car and stay out there.

"I hope you realize one day how bad you fucked up. I hope you realize how bad you are. You are shit and you deserve nothing but shit. I hate you and I will never forgive you for what you have done to us our whole lives. No wonder dad left. I am too. Fuck you" I said as I looked her dead in the eyes. I turned and walked out of the trailer. I drove to my now ex boyfriends house and walked in his apartment. I went to our room and gathered my stuff. I got it all and went to the door. As I turned around I came in contact with his lips. I didn't want to kiss him but I did anyways. I kept kissing him. He pressed further and made the kiss deeper as he laid me down on the couch and grinded into me.

"Stop" I breathed as I continued to kiss him.

"If you wanted me to stop you would make me" he said as he sat up. He sat there and looked me up and down. "You know I'm leaving and I'm never coming back right" I asked and he nodded. "I know and I know I'm part of the reason for that. I know I'm never going to get you back. But just one last time" he said and I looked in his eyes. I pulled him to me and we both tore our clothes off and grinded into each other one last time. My nails scratched down his back and he thrusted harder and I screamed his name. Soon enough we were done and I got dressed and looked at him. I turned my head and walked out of the apartment with my stuff. I got in my car and headed to California with no intention of ever coming back to my old life.

*end of flashback*

"Hey you okay" Austin asked as he was sipping his coffee.

"Yeah I was just Thinking about everything" I said and sighed. "I mean I really like Alan but I don't think he is ready for a relationship. He would go to a party and try to fuck someone else. He knows that too. I'm trying to have faith in him but sometimes its just hard" I said truthfully. He gave me a sympathetic look and gave me a hug.

"You need some girl time" he said and my sister appeared in our bus. "We my sister are having some sister time" she said and sat on my lap. I laughed and pushed her off.

"Okay lemme get dressed" I said and made my way to the bunk area to grab some clothes and got dressed. I really need this time with my sister. To not think about Alan right now. I miss my sister and it's time we had some girl time away from the boys.

I walked back out to the front lounge to the laughing about something aaron said. She smiled when she saw me and with that we left.

I got in the rental car and made my way to the nearest mall. "So you and Alan. What's going on between you two" she asked as she turned the music down. "I don't really know. First he flirts with me and I find out he has a girlfriend. He asks me to be his then cheats on me. It's a mess. But no boy talk. Let's get our shop on" I joked and with that we shopped a lot.

*5 Hours Later*

We all decided to meet up at a club and I was currently trying to get Austin to dance and he kept refusing.

"Come on"I begged as I dragged him to the dance floor. He rolled his eyes until some rap song came on. He rapped along and I smiled. "Make your body move like your mouth does dip shit" I say as I move my hips back and forth. We both start dancing together and it was so much fun. "Hey I have to pee" I said and made my way to the bathroom. I ran into a stall and peed. I went to wash my hands when I noticed a familiar face. Abigail. I love her. She is so sweet. But she is a whore. "Hey man you should get with that ginger. He is amazing in bed" she said as she walked out.

I finished and walked out to find Alan. I found him and dragged him away from the skanky blonde he was all over and went outside

"Do I look like an idiot to you!? Why the fuck do you do this to me Alan?! What did I do to you!? I'm done with your games okay!? I'm fucking done. I can't do this anymore. We can be friends and whoever I'm with isn't your problem. I don't care what you do and who your with. I don't control you anymore. Have fun Alan" I said and as I went to walk away he grabbed my wrist and spun me around to face him. "I'm so sorry Marylin. I really am. I don't know why I keep doing this to you but I promise I'm done. I do. When I lay in my bunk at night your all I think about. I can't handle the thought of losing y ou all together and I know that's what's gonna happen. Can we start over. Please. Just as friends. I need you in my life" he pleaded. We stood there for a good while before I agreed. "Alan I would love to start over. How about we just go back to the bus and jam" I suggested and we did just that. We got back to the bus and he grabbed his guitar from the back lounge and began to play Feels Like Forever as I sang.

"Did you ever contemplate when all was lost you hesitate and nothing seems the same

Have you ever hid your face in such disgrace decisions made a picture with no frame

Can you hold on one more day"

"Say your okay I'm afraid that tomorrw is just to far away fight the pain"

"It just feels like forever is crashing down on me"

"That was great. You should play with us sometime on stage" he said and I shook my head. "Performing isn't really my thing. . He laughed. "Come one. Scream for me" I said and he started screaming the words. I have to admit this has been a lot of fun. We were half way though it when the boys walked back in.

"Oh let me join" Tino said and soon enough we were all playing The Depths. It was so much fun. I forgot about me and Alan fighting. I forgot about everything. Soon we finished and we all cheered. Austin looked at me and smiled. I high five all of them and retreated to my bunk because I was tired. I undressed and climbed into my bunk exhausted from today.