Is This Reality

Even Though I Know You Want Me Too I'm Never Giving Up On You

Laying in my bed alone used to bother me a little bit. Now it bothers me a lot. I've grown so used to having someone else's heat warm me up. So laying here alone in this empty bed kinda sucks. Although I'm not completely alone. I have my girls that are almost ready to be born. Im almost nine months. About eight and a half months.

Rolling out of bed because I can't sit up I went to answer the door that someone keeps knocking at. I opened the door and in flew Austin with Alan trailing right behind him. I could tell they were arguing. They do that often.

"I don't care about your fedora I think it looks stupid and I'm sure your girlfriend would agree" Austin said while sitting on the couch with his arms crossed.

"I think they look fine either way babe" I said and kissed him. He returned the favor and we stood there for a good minute kissing until Austin cleared his throat. I blushed and pulled away and Alan smacked my butt. I smiled and grabbed his while walking by to look for food. I opened the fridge and grabbed a jar of pickles but dropping it because of a very sharp paid I was getting from my stomach. I held my stomach as I gripped the counter. Both of the boys rushed to my side and I stared screaming because the pain was almost unbearable.

"Im gonna need you to breathe marlin okay. Breathe for me. We're gonna get you to the hospital and everything will be fine" Austin tried soothing me and it helped a little bit as I was dragged into the backseat of the car.

The baby is coming is what ran through my head the entire car ride. Alan was in the backseat with me while Austin sped to the hospital. Once we got there they put me in a room and made me change into a gown. I laid on the bed and panted from the lack of energy. The pain stopped for right now.

"Guys I think the baby's are coming I said as I smiled a little. I was tired but I had more to go than that. Once the doctor came in he asked Austin a lot of questions because he knew what was going on with the contractions and shit. Mean while me and Alan were talking about what we were gonna name them when my sister and Pierce came busting in along with the rest of Of Mice.

"Are you guys sure you wanna watch me give birth " I laughed.

"Well we aren't in here for nothing" Jaime said.

"Come on guys. Let's give her space" Vic said and they all left besides my sister and Austin and Alan.

I felt another sharp pain and I think this might be it. I screamed and the doctor told me to push. I held Austin and my sisters hand. I pushed the first time and nothing. Second time was close. Third time was the charm. The first baby came out and another push and there was the second one. I smiled as I panted from the exhaustion and pain.

"There here " quietly said as I held them both and cried happily. I smiled with tears coming down and they took one baby to get weight and soon the other. After a few more minutes they went to go clean them.

" They are beautiful sis" my sister said while squeezing my hand. I smiled and thanked them both for being here.

"Where is Alan" I asked.

"I don't know. I thought he was in here" Austin said and the door opened. In came the nurses with the guys following. They handed a baby to me and asked where the father was.

"I'm not sure. But you can give the baby to him to hold" I said and gestured towards Austin with my head. Me and Austin held one baby each and I smiled.

"So what are we gonna name the " Mike asked.

"How about Alexandra Rose Ashby and Alyssa Ruth Ashby " Austin piped up. I smiled and nodded.

"I'll name this one Alex and that one is Alyssa" I said and they all cheered.

A few hours later Austin is the only one left. Everyone else left. He hasn't put Alyssa down since he got ahold of her. They were both asleep in the chair beside my bed. I had Alex and I smiled down at her.

"You'll get to meet daddy soon. I promise " I said as I kissed her forehead.

Austin was awake now and was feeding the baby. I yawned and he chuckled a little bit.

"Hey if your tired I got the babies while you go to sleep" he offered and I shook my head and patted the spot next to me. He smiled and climbed in right next to me. He held one baby while I held the other and we were all cuddled up. We looked like a little family.

After the little nap I took I woke up and saw Alan sitting in the chair staring at all of us. I jumped a little cause he didn't scare me but I didn't wake anyone. I was shocked to say the least. I didn't really expect him to show up after he just left. I didn't smile at all, in fact I frowned because I was pissed. 

"Why are you here" I whispered so no one would wake up.

"I'm here to see our kids" he chuckled and dropped his smile as soon as he had it. I didn't din it funny. I wanted to wipe that smirk off of his face. 

"They may be our kids and you are their dad but I don't want you to see them. Why the fuck would you just bail when I needed you most. I needed you Alan. I needed you to help me push through this but you weren't. Austin was there like always. He is always here to clean up your mess and I'm sick of it. Get your shit together or get out Alan because I'm done"  I said clenching my jaw. I was done this time. 

He sighed and ran his fingers through his vibrant ginger hair." I'm so sorry. I was scared that I couldn't do this. That I'm gonna fuck up. And you know what? I'm sorry that I am fucking scared that I'm gonna hurt you. I do hurt you and I want to stay with you but if you want him then fucking go for it. If I'm that bad then I'll leave. But I do love you" he said and a few tears slipped down his cheek. I carefully got up and was holding Alex and handed him to her.

"Her name is Alexandra Rose Ashby. Our other little girl is named Alyssa Ruth Ashby" I said as he held her. He looked at her with pure love. They both had little bitty freckles that littered across there nose and cheeks. They were tan like me but were born with blonde hair. Austin was still asleep with Alyssa and I smiled and went over and kissed his cheek and then hers. 

"Do you love him" Alan asked while looking at me. His eyes held sadness and anger. I didn't know what to say because I did but not like I love Alan. I mean Austin is more than a friend but he isn't Alan. That's where my heart belongs is with Alan. "No I don't love him like I love you. Yes me and him have a connection like me and you don't but I love you too. Your my boyfriend. I had your kids Alan. I have been through so much with you and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I want us to be happy I really do. But I can't keep doing this in and out thing with you anymore. So you need to make your choice. Do you want to be with me and the kids. Not partying every night and when you go on tour video chatting with us all. Not partying and being crazy, no flirting with any girls. I need to know now instead of later" I said and surprise surprise he had to think about it.

"I don't know" he said and got up and handed me Alex back. I held her and didn't cry at all. I wasn't surprised. Is that sad that this is what I was expecting. I knew he wasn't gonna stay. With cold words I said " I want your stuff out of my apartment by the time I come home in a couple of days. I don't wanna here from you unless it's for the girls. Have a nice life and I'll see you around."

"But-" he started.

"Get out" I said and with his head hung low he left.

I knew this was coming. I guess everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is for the best. At least that's what I can tell myself right? 

A/N: So I know you probably hate me but I promise you will get over it soon. Comment if your team Marilyn/ Alan or team Marilyn/Austin! Here is what the babies look like!