Is This Reality

We Don't Need Those Lies

"How in the fuck is that supposed to be okay Alan" I yelled. I can't do this right now. This is all we have been doing these couple of months.

"I didn't know I needed to clear everything I do with you first"he yelled right back at me. See we both have bad tempers so when we get in fights it doesn't ever end pretty.

"Well how would you feel if I talked to one of my ex's everyday, huh" I yelled in his face. He got up in my face and looked me dead in the eyes as he said the words that would break me. "I never loved you" came so effortlessly out of his mouth. I teared up and let the tears fall out of my eyes.

"Then leave me Alan. Go ahead because if you didn't love me we wouldn't be doing this right now. If you didn't love me then you would have left me a long time ago. Every time you go to leave you can't. So be my guest and walk out of the back lounge" I yelled through my tears.No one was on the bus thank god. He didn't say anything, just stood there staring at me.

"What are you looking at? You wanna leave then fucking leave" I said as I gestured towards the door through my tears. 

"I didn't mean that" he said as he walked towards me. I moved away from him as I stood up.

"Did you have sex with her" I quietly said.

"Mar-" he started but I cut him off.

"Answer me" I said and he nodded.

"How could you do that to me Alan. Do you think I'm going to forgive you every time? Why can't you just be good to me for once" I asked as I bawled my eyes out. He pulled me into him as I cried on him.

"I do love you and I'm sorry. I know I should leave you and let you be with someone better than me but I can't. I'm selfish and I can't let you go. I need you and you need me. I know we have a broken relationship but we can fix that. Just please don't leave" he begged and I sighed. I can't do this anymore. It's effecting my career and my friendships. He is right though. I do need him. 

" I forgive you" I said and he kissed me. I pulled out of his touch and walked out of the bus to find the one person could count on to give me advice. He was talking to Mike and I pulled at his arm and jerked my head towards our bus. He excused himself and I spilled everything to him. He was silent for a second before speaking up. "I don't think it's a good idea for you guys to be together right now. I mean it's affecting our friendship and your career. I think you guys need a break" he said. I talked to Vic about and he said the same thing. "Will you come with me so I can tell him" I asked and he nodded. We got to the bus and Alan was sitting on the couch in the front lounge with his head in his hands. When we walked in his head shot up and he sighed when he saw us. 

"Alan we need to talk" I said and his head went right back down. I sat down beside him and looked at Austin as I spoke because it was too hard to look at him and say it. 

"Alan I think we need to take a break. I love you I promise you I do but I don't think right now is a good time for us to be together. I mean my career is looking up and I have a future ahead of me. If you think for a second that this isn't hard for me then your wrong because it is. This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but we have to do it. It's good for both of us. When we finally get our shit together then maybe it will work. Just not right now"  I said as I kept my eyes on Austin. I started tearing up as I kept my eyes on his. His eyes held sympathy and sadness but he was happy that I was doing the right thing.

"Do you think for a second that this is what I want. I don't care about anybody else but you and I am going to change. I don't wanna loose you because I fucked up. You are all I care about. Please don't do this" He said as he made me look into those brown eyes that I could never say no to. It took every fiber in me to say no. I didn't know if I could say no. His eyes were tearing up and a tear slipped down his cheek. I wiped it away as I kissed him. He kissed back as he held my face. I let some tears fall down my cheeks as I pulled his hand down and pulled away from his kiss that I was going to miss so much. I got up and walked out of the bus. With my back to the bus I let it out. All of the tears and sobs I was holding in. Austin held me close as I cried my eyes out. I hated this. I hated it so much.

"Why does this have to happen to me? Why can't I be happy" I asked as I continued to sob on his shirt. Was doing the right thing?

"Austin it hurts so bad" I said as I wiped my tears and looked at him. I don't know if I can do this. "Your going to be fine okay? I know its hard Now but soon it will be worth it okay" He said with a sad smile. I gave him a hug as made my way to Pierces bus while dragging Austin with me. I got on and sat on the couch with my head in my hands.

"What's wrong with my local chica" Jaime asked and I gave him a sad smile. "I broke it off with him" I confessed and I was suddenly swarmed with hugs. I laughed.

"Thanks guys. I'm gonna go but thank you for your guy's support" I said as I made my way back to the bus and climbed into my bunk. I didn't care who was behind me. I could hear Austin and Alan talking though.

"Dude your my best friend and I love you but what the Fuck? She is in her bunk right now and I can tell you right now she is going to be like this for a week or two. She loves you and your all she wants. Dude just. I don't know" Austin said and I heard Alan sniffle.

"I know I fucked up real bad Austin. I know. I can't change that and I don't want us to have a break. But if that is what she wants then I will respect her decision. I just wish it could be different" he sad as he sniffed again. 

I heard someone coming back here and stop at my bunk. Austin climbed in and pulled me into him and I felt a little better. I snuggled into him as I sighed. I hate this. I know its for the best but still. I closed my eyes as I breathed him in.

"I know its not gonna be easy but you can and will. I will be here for you through every step of the way. I love you and want you happy. We all Do" he said as he kissed the top of my head. I smiled a little and drifted of to sleep.

A/N: Hi! Sorry I broke them up!! I just felt it was right. If you wanna see the get back together or wanna see her with someone else let me know!!!