Is This Reality

I Got Gorillas That Surround Me Bitch I'm Ceaser

So its been a little bit since we talked hasnt it? Heres a bit of an update: I can walk again and my kids are about a year old now. All I do is smoke weed now. I even went to rehab. Im finally over Alan but were still good friends and he always comes and sees the girls. I have my job back at the tattoo shop and I couldn't be happier. The only confusing thing is my love life. I dont know what to do. I havent come to terms about my feelings for Austin. I don't know if I can. It's making things very difficult. On top of it all my sister is staying with me cause her and tony broke up. So my life is so full at the moment.

Currently Im at home sitting on my couch watching shameless while the kids take a nap and aarons at work. I haven't spoke to Austin in a couple days cause we got in a big fight. A knock at the door and guess who it is.

"What" I said as I crossed my arms across my chest.

"Can we talk" he asked with those pleading brown eyes.

If I dont stay strong Im gonna let him in again. But what did I do. I let him in.

"You have five minutes Austin" I said and let him inside and out of the hot California sun.

"I'm sorry about the other night. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did" he said and looked at the ground cause he was embarrassed. 

"It's not okay. You cant do that when I tell you stuff Austin.  I can't just let this go this time" I stated and wished I would've kept my mouth shut.

"Seriously?  I come here to apologize and this is the shit I get? Wow. Im fucking sorry what more do you want from me" he started to raise his voice.

"I want you to not be such an asshole and actually care about me for once instead of over reacting every time I tell you about something someone said or tried. God damn Austin. What the fuck is your problem" I yelled and that pissed him off even more cause he pushed me up against the wall and his face was inches from mine.

"Why do I over react? Because I fucking love you thats why. I love you so much and I don't want you to leave. Cause you can't tell me you don't feel the same cause I know you do" he said and I was blown away.

He loves me.

I stayed silent cause I was scared. Of him. Of myself. Of everything at this moment. I whispered and he kissed me. It was a long kiss. A passionate one. You could feel the electricity between us. I don't know why I couldn't just be with him but something told me not too.

His phone buzzed and he pulled away and sighed before answering it and that brought me back to reality as I looked at his caller ID. Who in the hell was Alice.

After he got off the phone I shoved him out of my way and went outside to smoke a cigarette.

"Who is Alice, Austin" I asked.
"She's just-" I cut him off.

"Don't fucking lie to me" I yelled and he ran a hand through his hair.

"She's my girlfriend" he confessed.

"You have a fucking girlfriend. And you never bothered to mention this to me before? What the fuck" I yelled as i put my cigarette out and slammed the door behind me. I went to my room and tore everything apart in my room. I threw my lamp across the room. I tore my bed apart. All the picures and posters were ripped up all while screaming "fuck" through my tears. I was hysterical.  I guess that was just the breaking point for me. Before i could do anymore damage austin pulled me away from it all and put his arms around me to hold me down. I scrambled and pounded on his chest and screamed at him before just collapsing in his arms and crying. He just shushed me and kissed the side of my hair.

I sat there for maybe five minutes before stopping and looked up at him. He looked down at me and wiped my remaing tears from my eyes. He held my face and kissed me softly.

"Im sorry I didn't tell you because I was gonna break up with her and get with you. But I guess its too late for that now" he said and I thought about it and looked into those eyes of his and his smile got wider the longer we looked at each other and I knew that's what I wanted to look at for the rest of my life.

"Well if you plan on doing that I would get too it" I said and kissed his cheek and walked away. My phone started buzzing so I answered it.

"Hey we need you down here. There's someone asking for you specifically to tattoo them man. Be here as soon as you can. I think he said his name is Diego" Sarah said. So I went in and put on a black crop top tee shirt and some cut off shorts and slipped on my adidas. I put my hair into a messy bun and my glasses sat on top of my head.

The only Diego I know is when me and my sister lived in San Diego with our mother and father. A poor excuse for parents. But if it is him then I do not wanna see him ever again.