“Wait,” I say grabbing Robins hand before he can press the ink filled needle to my skin.
“I want a koi fish, on my back,” I tell him and he nods, “I trust you, make it look good, I don’t want it too big,” I tell him and he nods. I take my shirt off and flip over to my back. The cool alcohol wipes presses against my lower back. He dips the needle in the ink and starts it up. The vibrating noise fills the shop, I feel the needle poke my back and drag against my skin, but I’m used to the pain now, it’s nothing unusual, it’s like an old friend.
---
Some people use drugs to relieve the pain.
Some people use alcohol to relieve the pain.
Some people fight to relieve the pain
I use ink to relieve the pain. I use the feeling of the needle pressed against my skin as an image is drawn, it expresses my pain in ways I cannot.
The koi fish represents courage and strength. In Japanese culture, the koi fish are supposedly brave enough to climb waterfalls and if caught are not afraid on the cutting board. If the koi climbs to the top of the waterfall it will be transformed into a dragon.
“Why did you want this anyway?”
“I don’t want to be afraid on the cutting board,” I answer honestly and hand him the money walking out. He mumbles a ‘whatever’ and I take the road back to my house, not ready for what awaits me, not ready to see Reflex, or Jerrod, or Mikey, or Drew or Roxy. I’m not ready to see anyone. I don’t want to see anyone. I’m in just a mood, I want to be by myself, I want to just walk for hours and forget what time it is, forget the day, hell, forget everything. I want to forget my name, I want to forget this deadbeat town and just remember only the things I want to. I want to run, I just want to leave, but I can’t.
Rule One; Don’t Mix Business and Pleasure
Rule Two; Drugs Are For Dealing, Not Personal Use Unless Bought
Rule Three; Kill or Be Killed
Rule three pretty much means, if you want out of the gang, you have to kill or be killed. Which is why I’m forever stuck in this system, there’s no getting out. My phone vibrates, distracting me from my thoughts which are probably a good thing. My thoughts are an endless turmoil resulting in only a state of confusion that I cannot escape.
To: Adriana
From: Reflex
Where the hell are you?
I ignore him, shutting off my phone and continue walking. Past the house I’d usually stop at and turn to go inside, past the neighbor’s house, past all of them and head to my earlier spot. The spot where everyone knows me, and I know everyone. Sammy’s.
“Back so soon, Adriana?” Adam asks from behind the counter.
