My head is spinning, whirling in fact. I can’t think straight, and everything in front of me seems miles away. The fact that Reflex could possibly be Malik blows my mind. The fact that Pepper knew blows my mind.
“N-No, tha-that’s not p-possible,” I stutter stepping back from him. This person I thought I knew who had been tricking me, telling me he’s someone he’s not and I trusted him, which frightens me the most.
“It is, while Pepper was being the ‘spy’ she wasn’t here as a spy,” he sighs, “I brought her over here to keep an eye out on you. I told her to follow you, make sure you were okay and she’d give me updates and then I’d tell her what to say to you guys. She followed you that one night when you went to the bar and got the koi fish, I’m sorry, Adriana,” he says, his walls that he always has built up come crashing down before me, and I’m left with Refl-Malik who doesn’t even realize he’s being a sissy boy right now, and I sort of love it.
“Adriana,” he says again reaching towards me. My hand smacks the back of his
“Don’t,” I warn, “I can’t do this right now, Re-Malik, I just, this is too much,” I shake my head
“Call me, Zayn,” he says lightly; reaching for me again, before I can reach him, his hands are on my waist. I claw at his chest trying to push him away, but I fail. His grip is locked on mine.
“No, I-I can’t,” I complain still trying to push him away
“You can, just-just let yourself,” he whispers trying to catch eye contact; I quickly turn my head away not letting him see my eyes.
“Z-Zayn, I-I just give me some time, this is new to me,” And I finally stop struggling, I let him hold me, I let him wrap his arms around me, pull me into his chest and I cry. I just cry because there’s nothing left for me to do but that. I cry because I don’t know what I should do, or where I should go. He rubs my back soothingly and if he weren’t holding me so tight, I believe I’d fall to the ground shattering into a million pieces like glass because right now I feel like glass. Everyone can see through me, and at any minute I could fall and shatter.
“I’m sorry, babe,” he whispers against my head leaving a small kiss there. And I want to pull away. I want to smack him, call him an idiot and then go get drunk. I want to go smoke a joint and do something. I want to go get a tattoo to express this, but I don’t have the energy. I just keep crying into his chest because I don’t know what else to do, and I don’t have the energy to do anything else
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask pulling away from him, his hands dropping to his sides and he quickly stuffs them away in his pockets.
“I was scared that you wouldn’t like me,” he mumbles barely loud enough for me to hear, but not loud enough for Pepper and Jerrod to hear, “Can we go somewhere to let me explain?” he asks.
“No, I can’t think straight around you, I lose all sense of everything. I can’t go somewhere with you because we’ll end up getting drunk or high and then I defiantly won’t be able to think straight and it just won’t work,”
“That’s why we have drugs, that’s why we have alcohol, to drink or smoke and to forget. C’mon, Adriana, let’s just run. Just for tonight,” he whispers stepping closer to me, our eyes connected. Run, that word sounds so intriguing. I could just run away from everything, everyone. I could just run and not come back for a day or so. But could I do it with Zayn? That, I didn’t know, but I’m doing it anyway.
“Okay,” I nod he smiles his perfect smile that I only saw when we were alone, but we weren’t alone. Pepper and Jerrod were sitting on the porch watching, waiting for something to happen.
